We have all heard that phrase, and when you are a dinner guest, it rings absolutely true! With Thanksgiving upon us, here are a few considerations for a “proper dinner guest.”
As a guest, you are being treated to dinner. Your host is going out of their way to lavish you with their gracious hospitality, delicious food, and perfectly paired drinks. So, you have the delightful obligation to enhance the evening by offering charming conversation and joviality. Your engaging presence is a key component of the host’s successful party. The savvy and proper guest knows to acknowledge their effort with genuine gratitude and charm… especially if they want to be invited back! Nothing is worse than a guest who “expects” to be entertained or is a bore. So be the sparkle and add your charm to the event.
The Protocol for a Proper Dinner Guest
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Promptly Acknowledge the Invitation: Remember to R.S.V.P. within 48 hours, or sooner, to confirm your attendance. This gesture affirms how absolutely enthused you are to attend!
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Compliment the Invitation: Your hosts invest considerable effort in choosing an invitation, so when you open a particularly stunning one, take a moment to mention it to your host and acknowledge how lovely it is. It is truly music to the ears of the hosts to know that a guest is pleased to have received and appreciates their invitation!
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Disclose Allergies: An obligation as a thoughtful guest is to let the hostess know well in advance of the party if they have allergies, food dislikes, or adhere to a vegan/vegetarian diet… this allows your host adequate time to prepare.
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Hostess Gifts: Give and Forget! When you bring a lovely gift to a party, do not expect the hostess to open it then and there. And, do not ask for a gift bottle of wine to be served because, most likely, your host has already selected the appropriate vintages to complement their menu!
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Dress Code? If you are unsure what to wear, simply ask the host beforehand, which saves everyone an awkward moment.
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Know When to Make Your Exit! This is paramount! You may be the life of the party, but do not assume your hosts want you to stay until the wee hours. If they genuinely want you to stay longer, they will convince you to do so!
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The Guest of Honor’s Duty: If you are the guest of honor, it is your obligation to excuse yourself first and say your adieu. This kind gesture signals to the other guests that they may follow suit and leave too.
The Bread & Butter Thank You!
Dinner parties take considerable effort and thoughtful execution. Be the first to show your gratitude and put your pen to paper! Write a meaningful, personalized thank-you note (not an email!). Remark on specific details and efforts—the enchanting flowers, the divine dessert, or a particularly memorable conversation which made the evening magical.
The Forbidden Faux Pas
No-no: Forgetting to R.S.V.P. in advance of the party date. It is always thoughtful to respond within 48 hours of receiving an invitation… old-school protocol!
No-no: To tell others that you’ve been invited to a dinner party. The hosts make the decision who is invited. If others find out, they may be hurt if they are not included. Best to be surprised who the other guests are when you arrive at the party!
No-no: Asking to bring an uninvited guest.
No-no: If you are invited to a dinner party as a couple and only one of you can attend, do not offer to come by yourself. Simply regret that you cannot attend because your other half will not be able to come. It is then the option/prerogative of the host to decide if they want to invite a singleton or not, and then let them pose the offer to you, not the other way around.
No-no: Changing your place card from where it was placed to a different spot on the table. A host puts considerable thought and consideration into how their guests will be seated, even at a small gathering, so never EVER move your placecard!
Grandmillennial Tips
~ If you choose to bring flowers to a dinner party, bring them arranged already in a vase. This small act of grace ensures that the hostess does not have to leave her guests to search for a vessel and arrange them.
~ It is a kind gesture to have flowers delivered earlier in the day, or even the day before. Sending flowers is always a welcomed gesture.
~ Don’t know the host’s interior color scheme? Simple solution: white flowers—always a safe and elegant choice… any time of the year!
What other thoughtful considerations do you appreciate from your dinner guest? I’d love to hear more! We have all had “dinner dilemmas” experiences with guests… share those too!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Xx
Holly
PS Take a peek at this reel on my Instagram about clearing plates from the table!