How grateful I am to my parents for instilling in me the old-school rules for being a truly gracious and grateful guest when invited out for a meal. They also shared with me a golden rule for hosting. You simply do not invite someone to dinner unless you can afford their free choice.
With that being said, have you ever been a guest of someone’s at a restaurant or at their club and noticed one guest makes a point of ordering the most expensive item on the menu? You might find yourself wondering if you are the only one who notices this little breach of quiet refinement. Are they trying to impress their host? Far from it. This topic has been presented to me on several occasions, so here are my thoughts!
When one is invited to dine out as a guest, proper etiquette dictates that the focus should always be on the joy of the company, never the cost of the cuisine. If you want to know how to be a thoughtful dinner guest who sparkles at the table, the secret is simply to let your host set the stage and concentrate on contributing with your congeniality!
As a general rule of thumb, it is always wisest to look toward the mid-range or lower end of the menu. Of course, if your host absolutely insists that you try a specific, more expensive delicacy, it becomes appropriate to accept their generosity. Even then, however, I still prefer to follow my parents’ timeless advice and discreetly stay within that comfortable mid-range. If you find yourself in a bit of a quandary, just turn to your host and ask, “What are you having?” If it is something you like, then say, “That sounds just splendid, I think I’ll have the same!” This is an effortless way to keep things perfectly harmonious.
The Forbidden Faux Pas:
No-no: Opening your menu the very second it is placed in your hands.
What is done: Wait for your host to open their menu first. It is always best to let them take the lead.
No-no: To order a starter course without inquiring what the host is ordering first.
What is done: Inquire of your host, “What will you be having?” It is a delicate way to find out whether they plan to order a first course.
A show of a little extra appreciation is always a welcomed gesture. Make the effort to offer a short but genuine toast to the host, thanking them for bringing you together for a lovely time. Far too often, this nod of appreciation is neglected. So, make a mental note to yourself to “Just Do It!” You will be glad you did! (This is also applicable to adult children being treated by their parents too!)
Mastering these quiet nuances of consideration ensures that the dining event remains delightful for everyone. At the end of the day, the finest thing you can bring to any dinner table, and especially your host, is simply your most gracious self!
Xx
Holly
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