Elegant Table Manners for Private Dinner Parties
Napkins can be a secret signal in more ways than one! Their fold, placement, and use speak a language all their own, especially at a private dinner party. A napkin carries a surprising amount of tradition and unspoken etiquette and is one of the quiet hallmarks of a refined and elegant table.
When dining in a private home, a gracious guest traditionally waits for the hostess to place her napkin on her lap first. Once she does, follow her lead and place yours on your lap, unfolding it quietly below the table, never with a flourish. The fold should face toward you.
However, if you are dining in a restaurant or among friends without a designated hostess, it is perfectly proper to place your napkin on your lap immediately upon sitting down.
When a napkin ring is present, gently slide it off toward you and place it to the left of your setting. Traditionally, napkin rings were used only for family dinners, houseguests, or rather informal occasions. It’s a custom I still adhere to. Today, however, napkin rings are often used simply as decorative embellishments for table design.
If you must excuse yourself briefly, place your napkin on your chair. If the seat is upholstered, leave the soiled side facing upward for discretion. Alternatively, it may be placed neatly to the left of your plate. But truly, who wants to look at your napkin while you are away from the table?
When Dinner Concludes
Here is a secret old-school detail that a seasoned hostess will notice. When dinner has concluded, a guest should loosely refold the napkin into a neat rectangle (discreetly under the table), or in a fold similar to how it appeared when you arrived. If the original fold was elaborate, a simple, proper rectangle fold will certainly suffice.
Then place it neatly to the left of your plate, where the forks once rested.
When dining in a restaurant rather than a private home, it is perfectly proper to leave the napkin in a loose semi-fold at the end of the meal. A balled-up napkin, however, is a definite no-no!
And one final gracious touch. Always slide your chair back under the table when you depart.
Forbidden Faux-Pas
No-No: Placing a fork on top of the napkin.
Exception: When dining outdoors, it may prevent the napkin from blowing away, but indoors, a fork should never rest on the napkin.
No-No: Wiping your entire mouth with the napkin.
What is done: Lightly dab the corners of your mouth using the inside of the napkin so that any marks remain unseen.
No-No: Leaving lipstick marks on the napkin. Try to avoid transferring lipstick- a thoughtful courtesy to the hostess.
No-No: Standing a napkin upright inside a wine glass. Quiet elegance speaks volumes.
No-No: Polyester napkins. Natural-fiber napkins are far more elegant, and they actually absorb!
GrandMillennial Tips
Note that napkins come in varying sizes. Luncheon napkins are smaller than traditional dinner napkins.
Many of the finest napkin examples can be found at estate sales or auctions.
I adore napkins with monograms or family crests delicately embroidered in white-on-white- the height of formality.
Selecting linens that complement your dining room, porcelain pattern, or the theme of your gathering is a lovely detail that elevates any table.
After all, it is often the smallest details, such as the napkin’s placement and proper use, that reveal the true art of lovely living.
Xx
Holly