After years of hosting at Fox Hall, and Animal Haus in Vermont, my husband and I have been fortunate to have some truly delightful houseguests. Their impeccable manners have touched my heart and serve as brilliant examples of how a guest can contribute and be “easy keepers”… the kind of guests you want to have back again!
Here are a few secrets to becoming a world-class houseguest.
The Hostess Gift:
Flowers are a timeless, all-around wonderful hostess gift. You might send them in advance of your arrival, bring them with you, or as my son-in-law thoughtfully does, send them the day after departure. A “thank you” bouquet arriving the day after you leave is an especially unexpected treat! (If you have never been to the home before, select a bouquet of white flowers or a white orchid. A neutral color will complement any interior.)
A bottle or two of champagne is always a welcomed addition!
Offering to bring a dessert or hors d’oeuvres, or to prepare breakfast one morning is thoughtful. (For example, make a fruit compote with muffins, a quiche, or your homemade breakfast specialty.)
And, if you had a splendidly divine time as a houseguest, you may wish to have an additional gift sent after your departure, once you know their color scheme, such as a set of monogrammed towels for their pool, the guest bedroom, or their kitchen.
Advance Allergy Notification:
Nothing is more stressful for a hostess than discovering a guest’s dietary restrictions just as a meal is being served. Whether it is a gluten allergy, lactose intolerance, or vegetarianism, it is courteous to let your host know well in advance. And a simple, gracious phone call is all it takes: “Please do not go out of your way at all, but I wanted to let you know I am gluten-free. I am more than happy to bring my own bread or simply eat around whatever you are preparing!”
I once had a vegetarian friend who was so discreet that she simply pushed the non-vegetarian items around her plate in such a way that I never even knew! While that is incredibly polite, a little advance notice allows your hostess to prepare ahead of time. Every host wants their guests to feel comfortable. This also applies to pet allergies; let them know if you are allergic to cats or dogs, too!
Linens:
A world-class guest is mindful of their host’s belongings. When staying in a guest bedroom, remember to remove your makeup before using the host’s towels or climbing into bed.
Make your bed in the morning; it doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s the thought that counts!
Bring a notecard with you and place it on the bed to share your gratitude for your stay. It is an unexpected and appreciated surprise for the hostess to discover.
On the day you depart, an old-school tradition, and a kind gesture, is to strip the sheets, duvet cover, and pillowcases, fold them, and place them inside one pillowcase. It looks much tidier than a disheveled bed or a loose pile of laundry on the bed. Fold your towels and robe neatly and place them on the bed too, or on the bathroom vanity.
Share this technique with your children and grandchildren. We just enjoyed a glorious holiday with our eight grandchildren staying with us this year and I am remiss that I did not show them how to do this… not for my sake, but as an opportunity for them to learn how to be a conscientious houseguest in the future.
The Kitchen Rule:
Offering to help in the kitchen is always appreciated, but pay attention to the hostess’s “flow.” If she says, “No, thank you,” be respectful. Head back to the other guests, enjoy the cocktail hour, and let her work her magic. This same rule applies to the post-meal cleanup- offer sincerely, but respect a hostess’s wishes.
Small Gestures, Big Impact:
Have you had a guest who just stands there and repeatedly says, “How can I help?” A gracious houseguest just knows what to do and pitches in! It’s hard to explain… you want your guests to feel “like a guest,” yet from my experience, the guest who quietly sets the table without being asked, offers to grate the cheese when they see you are doing it, or brings in the dishes after dinner… these are the little gestures (if you do not have a housekeeper or staff) to ensure that both the guests and the hosts have a grand time. Even the simple gesture of filling the coffee maker for the following day is a kind act, because as we all know, morning comes all too quickly when you are having a ball!
What lovely gestures have you experienced from your houseguests?
Xx
Holly
PS: Last week’s topic of the “Bread and Butter” thank you note inspired many of you to write to me! Here are a few remarks gleaned (and shortened) that I thought you may enjoy too!
Dear Holly,
Whenever I receive a bread and butter note, I take a picture (usually as I retrieve it from our mailbox) and text it to the sender with a brief message along the lines of “What a joy to open my mailbox and discover a hand-addressed envelope waiting for me.”
This way, the sender knows the post office actually delivered the note. I think it’s important for senders to know their notes were received.
L.O. – Virginia
Dear Holly,
Good manners are the finest education anyone can have; with them, there is nothing that can’t be achieved. They are a passport to the world of elegance and accomplishment.
I often thought, who doesn’t already know this information? How else do we know people but from their manners? Manners are the ultimate expression of kindness!
A written thank-you is a declaration of appreciation in the most personal, professional, and caring way. I have always written thank-you notes since I was a child. Honestly, there is nothing more modern, more sophisticated, more appealing, or advanced than good manners. They don’t just open doors, they roll a red carpet through them!
I love that you help people refine themselves; not many “lifestyle” influences ever add the reasoning that you do.
Edward L. – Connecticut