You are cordially invited to enter the secret, unwritten world of manners and etiquette. Every Monday, you will receive my newsletter which will pose a question about different forms of etiquette to you. I will share a concise explanation as to what's done and also, what is not done... the forbidden faux pas to avoid! You will be privy to the subtle nuances practiced in polite society, yes, even in this relaxed world. My intention is to enlighten you, or simply refresh what you already know. Stunning manners can open magical, even regal doors. I am most grateful to my Mummy, and my British father, who instilled in me the importance of knowing and displaying a polished code of manners. I truly look forward to sharing them with you!
Entertaining Etiquette
Where do you seat your guest, or guests of honor, at a dinner table?
The guests of honor should be seated to the right of the host or hosts. So, for example, a gentleman guest of honor will be to my right at a dinner table, and the lady guest of honor will be to my husband's right. Typically, the hosts are seated at either end of the table along with their guests of honor. But what happens if the table is exceptionally long for a celebratory event?
When I hosted a luncheon in celebration of the visit of Lady Carnarvon of Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey) in the month of May, I decided to seat my 48 attending lady guests at an exceptionally long table. It actually extended the length of my verandah at Fox Hall! (photograph above) Because the table was so long, I decided to place my guest of honor in the very center of the table, to my right, with our backs against the brick wall. Lady Carnarvon had a view of the garden (always think about the view of your guest of honor, even if you are in a restaurant) and she was also able to glance down both sides of the table equally to see the guests. When I made my toast to her, and to the guests, by having Lady Carnarvon in the middle of the table, I could easily address everyone. They could hear me just by turning right or left, versus raising my voice to be heard down the entire table from the other end! I had a grand time at this luncheon celebration, the weather behaved brilliantly, and it continues to be a glorious memory for me.
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Forbidden Faux Pas
It is considered a faux pas to be seated when offering a toast while in a private residence.
What is done: It is polite form to stand when giving a toast! If you are in a restaurant, it is not necessary to stand unless you are in a private room. If champagne or wine is served, you may hold a glass in your right hand while offering the toast and raise it in honor of your guests. If only water is served, there is no need to raise a glass. Either way, wine or water, offer genuine words to welcome your guests and let them know how grateful you are for their presence.
Millennial Tip
Make the effort to offer a toast at a dinner party — either a party that you host or one that you are attending. By proposing a toast to your hostess, or to the guest of honor, or whomever, it is a genteel effort that your hosts and guest will appreciate immensely, especially if it is short and sincere. Mummy would be proud!