Little nuances can make a big difference when creating a charming experience for your guests! Here are a few no-no’s to know… the timeless secrets that Mummy shared with me. They continue to hold true in the present day, and will for another generation of grandmillennials, too!
Each country has various traditions. These no-no’s, while in no particular order of significance, are worth being aware of in America. Some are in reference to old-school proper etiquette, and others are simply advice from years of entertaining. Mainly, these tidbits are what I call inherited gems. Take them or ignore them. I’m grateful because knowing these no- no’s have served me very well.
Per the request of several of my darling subscribers, I will continue sprinkling in a few of these FFPs as the topic in my future newsletters. They will all touch upon various aspects of gracious living. The word “forbidden” is used with a wink... I guess I like alliteration! Although I admit, the word “forbidden” did get the attention of my children when they were young!
Entertaining: Five Forbidden Faux Pas!
Making every party guest feel special is my goal as a hostess! Preparing for a party is similar to preparing for a show! I strive to use meaningful details to create an ambiance that is unique and memorable! Shopping within the house for treasures to use on the table is truly like a treasure hunt... hummm, what will I discover behind this door?!
No-no: To not have a “drinks table” within reach of each seated guest during cocktail hour or any type of seated gathering.
What is done: Be sure to have a surface, aka a “drinks table,” within reach of each guest to be able to place their drink glasses upon, especially when seated. This is applicable for any room.
Note: There is no need to have coasters! The linen cocktail napkin you offer each guest can be used in place of a coaster. I think it is discreetly more elegant then asking your guest to try to fit their glass into or onto a designated coaster. From my experience, coasters can actually make the glass tippy, especially if you are in a deep conversation and not acutely aware of where the coaster is while placing your glass upon it!
Candles on the table are not lit during the day, as seen on the table set for a late afternoon champagne reception I hosted to introduce my daughter-in-law to other ladies upon her arrival in Farmington!
No-no: To light the candles on a dining room table before six in the evening, or before it is dark outside.
What is done: For breakfast or a luncheon, candlesticks may remain on the dining table, but the candles are not lit. This follows the custom that candles were actually used for light!
Note: This tradition is not adhered to in other countries. I find it charming to see a candle lit on the breakfast tables in cozy little restaurants in Germany!
No-no: To place a fork on top of a dinner napkin.
What is done: The only time a fork goes on top of a napkin is when dining outside, because the wind may possibly blow the napkin away! If a fork is being presented for a meal, then it belongs on the left side of the plate position, or above the plate for dessert. The napkin is then placed to the left of the fork.
By the way, a napkin may also be placed on top of a charger, dinner plate, or butter plate.
Having Chef Russell prepare his divine creations for a dinner party that we hosted for a museum function at Fox Hall, was, as always, a delight! And, I’m not cooking in the kitchen all day!
No-no: To clean dishes in the kitchen in between courses, or even after dinner, while your guests are still present.
What is done: Dishes and glasses are cleaned after your guests have said their adieux and left!
While guests are seated at the table, remove the appropriate plates after each course, and simply place them on the counter or in the sink. There is no better way to tell your guests that you’re bored with them, or so fastidious that you can’t help yourself from cleaning, than to get up and wash the dishes between courses or after the dessert is served! It leaves a gaping hole at the table, conversations are interrupted, and besides that, the sound of the water running and dishes clinking in the kitchen adds to a very uncomfortable atmosphere. It hints to your guests that you secretly wish they were helping you clean dishes too, or that you wish they would leave!
Note: The above is applicable for hosts that do not have any help in the kitchen to assist in serving and cleaning. If you have help, discuss with them in advance of the party, that during dinner, everything that takes place in the kitchen must be very quiet, especially if they attempt to clean the dishes. The goal is that no noise will be heard from the kitchen while guests are in the dining room.
When we have help, my husband Stuart and I will ask our table guests to adjourn to the living room for after-dinner drinks, port, or coffee, so that the dishes and glasses may be cleared off of the table after everyone has left the dining room.
A spur of the moment Valentine's Day dinner for another couple was such fun! I found some angels that once belonged to my parents, and I arranged them in the center of the table. I placed a chocolate gift on the napkins of our guests - Cupid made me do it!
No-no: Neglecting to walk your guests to the door upon their departure.
What is done: Either the host or the hostess should make the effort to accompany a guest to the door upon their departure. If it is a single lady at night, it is most gallant to have the gentleman host, or even a gentleman guest, walk her to her car to be sure she is safe, or at least offer to do so.
Note: If it is a large party, it is acceptable for a guest to slip out without saying thank you and good-bye if they see that the hosts are busy with other guests. The guest can always address this in their thank you note!
These are only five FFPs gleaned from a more lengthy list, which I will share with you in future newsletters. In the meantime, I would love to hear any Forbidden Faux Pas that your Mum was a stickler about… the ones that you’ll never forget, making certain that your children won’t forget either! So, do tell.
PS. Oh, a little request! Would you kindly help me inspire others, worldwide, to subscribe? We have a noble following and I would be so grateful to you for sending this newsletter on to others. The world could use more gentility and kindness right now, wouldn’t you agree?
Be sure to sign up for the chance to win my NEW book Pearls of Palm Beach as a giveaway! It is my way of thanking you for being loyal subscribers- Cheers to YOU! The giveaway will close on September 25, 2020.