Weddings replenish our hearts with love and joy! Our youngest daughter, Caroline, and her new husband were having a quiet (almost private!) embrace on their wedding day while on the balcony of Marble House in Newport, Rhode Island.
Every week, it is a delight to receive your thoughtful comments and a few questions as well. I thought you may enjoy reading these three VERY insightful remarks below, along with a few questions that were posed!
I was parentally instructed 50 or so years ago not to swivel when the bride and her father walk down the aisle. To this day I don't do it. I think the purpose of the old rule was to prevent gawking: surely an affront to "lovely living." But amid so many other modern affronts, I fear that battle is lost.
Just before my daughter was going to walk down the aisle, I looked at my daughter’s “attending friend” who was doing a reading. I asked if she had the verse handy to read and she responded that she was JUST GOING TO READ IT FROM HER PHONE!! I looked her in the eye and said OH, NO YOU'RE NOT! I quickly gave her a scrap of paper and a pen and told her to get busy writing!
Having been an Episcopal priest for almost 45 years, I have been part of many weddings. It is always an honor and blessing to preside at a marriage rite. Thank you so much for your comments and guidance concerning weddings. Too often guests haven’t a clue about how to act at a service or reception, for that matter. I hope that your thoughtful guidance will be paid attention to and appreciated. Simple civility can make life exciting and gracious. Dare I repeat, “Do unto others…?”
With the church bells ringing at the Berlin Dom, our guests cheered our daughter, Alexandra, and her new husband, Maximilian, as they descended the steps to begin their new life as a married couple!
Here are a few questions that were posed to me in reference to wedding guests:
Wedding registries... must they be adhered to?
Absolutely not! Take a moment and look at the bride’s registry online to see the style that she has embraced. Is it modern or traditional? If you wish to order something not on the registry, try to get something similar to her choice of style. I order a bespoke gift, one that can be customized. For example, I arrange to have the date of the wedding or the initials of the couple engraved on a tray or picture frame. (Remember, the bride’s initial comes first!)
Wedding presents used to be beautifully wrapped with a handwritten card. What if the couple has registered at a company, such as Amazon, which sends the gift in a cardboard box or their stock "gift bag?”
If you decide to order from a store or an online source that does not offer a wrapping service, opt to have the gift sent to you first. You can then wrap it appropriately and mail it yourself to the bride, along with your handwritten note. It is indeed a little more effort, but the bride will adore this added conscientiousness. Who doesn’t love to open a pretty present and savor a handwritten note? Chances are, the bride may keep your note forever.
Why send your wedding gift in advance of the actual wedding date?
Ask any bride! Sending a wedding gift to the bride within 48 hours of receiving a wedding invitation is a thoughtful and considerate gesture. Why? The bride will not only cherish receiving her first wedding gifts because they are commemorating the joy of her upcoming wedding, but it also grants her plenty of time to write a thank you and avert the busy “crunch time” before the actual wedding date. The day you receive the invitation, you will have the mailing address, date, etc., at your fingertips, making it easy to place the order straight away! And, for those of you who are married, I bet you remember the very first gift you received, right? From my experience, the first presents that arrived were the ones that I can still remember who they came from vividly. My very first wedding gift, which was the prettiest floral porcelain platter from Tiffany & Co., came from my Aunt and Uncle who are no longer living, so I rejoice in their memory every time I use it.
Where is the best place to send the wedding gift?
Traditionally, the wedding gift is sent to the return address (usually the bride’s parents’) on the wedding invitation. But, these days, it is thoughtful to reach out to the bride or her parents to see which address is most convenient to send the wedding gift. Today, many brides are living and working away from home, or living with their fiance. The bride may appreciate having the gifts sent directly to her address so that she does not have to arrange to have the gifts forwarded on to her.
Do I address a card to the bride and groom?
A gift card is essential and traditionally, it is addressed to the bride, with her maiden name spelled out the way it is presented on the invitation, with Miss or Ms., unless she has another title. The salutation is to the bride, but remember to include the groom's name within the body of the note, along with your good wishes and love. Be sure the gift card is firmly attached to the present or placed inside the gift box. The card can easily be separated and lost, which can be a nightmare for the bride to figure out whom the gift came from!
Forbidden Faux Pas
No-No: To mention a wedding gift registry on a wedding invitation or on a bridal shower invitation.
What is done: Guests may reach out to the bride, the mother-of-the-bride, or the hostess who is hosting the shower, to ask where the bridal couple is registered.
No-No: To bring a wedding gift to the reception or church. It creates a logistical challenge for the couple, wedding planner, or bridal party, to resolve where and how to transport the presents after the reception.
What is done: Send your gift early and have it be remembered!
NOTE: In some parts of Europe, wedding gifts are indeed brought to the wedding. So, ask beforehand what the tradition is, so you know what is appropriate.
Stuart, our son, and his new bride, Karen, in Palm Beach as they were leaving their magical Everglades Club reception. The wedding guests were sparkling! Their wedding inspired me to write my Pearls of Palm Beach book.
Xx
Holly