Do you know someone who has recently lost a loved one? A darling subscriber asked me to discuss the nuances of writing a proper sympathy note, so here are my thoughts:
What is the most sincere type of sympathy note?
A handwritten note, not a “store-bought” sympathy card, is the most sincere way to offer your condolences. There is no need to buy a sympathy card, EVER. Your words are a “thousand times more meaningful” than what is printed on a store-bought sympathy card!
What kind of stationery is most appropriate?
White stationery, preferably a fold-over informal card (pictured above) or a flat card. Old-school formality is to have your name engraved. Another option is to have your name embossed or with thermography. Both are less expensive than engraving.
Other than a note card, what is another option?
Another suitable option is plain white or ecru (off-white) writing paper, preferably in a heavy stock. My favorite stationery companies are Dempsey & Carroll, Tiffany & Co., or Crane and Co.
What color ink is appropriate to write a sympathy note?
Black ink is a proper and traditional choice for a sympathy note, preferably with a fountain pen.
What should I write?
What words would you like to hear if you lost a loved one? Take a moment to think about the person who has died, and then write your loving words of sympathy. Mention the deceased person's name and your relationship with them. A grieving person will appreciate your genuine words of sympathy. Commisserate that it is a difficult time and offer a sweet memory that you have that may comfort the recipient. It is also kind to suggest: “I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. I hope that some of the happy memories you hold dear will comfort you during this sorrowful time.” And mention that you are available to help in any way.
How do I sign my note?
Thoughtful valedictions are: “With deepest sympathy” or “With love and sympathy.”
What does a line through a name on the stationery indicate?
A line through your name is an old-school “secret” tradition. If your formal name on your writing paper includes a title, such as Mrs., Mr., Lady, Countess, or Doctor, you may draw a line through your name when writing a dear friend. The line through your name discreetly indicates that you are addressing them personally, as a friend, and without formality. This is appropriate for any occasion, including a gift card note. NOTE: If your name does not have a title in front of it, do not draw a line through your name. (It is already informal without a title.) The same applies to monograms: no title, no line!
Forbidden Faux Pas:
No-No: To mention anything negative about the deceased person in your note. Only mention lovely memories!
Xx
Holly
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