Serving pink champagne is a festive way to commence a ladies' luncheon, but an elegant and easy alternative, which is not expensive, is cranberry juice and soda water.
Last week I touched on reciprocation, “the forgotten art of hospitality,” and you, my dear subscribers, are passionate about it!
I received more letters than ever in favor of this simple principle of giving and receiving… and the lack of it in today’s society. Today, I am featuring just a few heartfelt notes I received to confirm that you are not alone; reciprocity reflects the basic human desire to create a sense of balance and fairness in our social interactions! And it does not have to cost a fortune to reciprocate hospitality. Take a peek…
Dear Holly,
This topic never seems to be discussed—thank you for sharing your commentary. I, at one time, thought I had too many expectations for reciprocation. However, as my mother would say, it is simply “good form” to return a lovely time with a lovely time. It is the ultimate thank-you note and an acknowledgment of generosity.
I appreciate all of your posts! Thank you again.
R.K.
Dear Holly,
I enjoyed the topic in your column today. I have experienced the same lack of courtesy so many times. Even in the 80s, my parents would wonder why so many people attended their parties and never contacted them again.
These days, there seems to be an even more significant lack of empathy towards others. Many times, I throw parties with an RSVP request, and people can't even respond with a yes or no. When you're inviting 30-40 people over, this poses a problem. I've had people show up for a party wearing clothes so casual that I wouldn't even wear them to bed, much less a party. (In that instance, these guests left early, a little embarrassed.)
Most people do not even think to ask, "Is there anything I can bring?" It is even rare to get an email thank you after the event.
I put this thoughtless behavior down to the following:
1. Lack of civility in our country in general
2. A multitude of distractions, giving people the idea that a party or dinner is on par with watching a show on NetFlix, always available at the touch of the remote!
3. Emphasis on 24/7 work demands in some people's lives.
My best,
L.H.
Dear Holly,
Ahh, another HH Monday morning home run !!! Thank you for addressing this topic. Reciprocation and handwritten thank-you notes are becoming a lost art. When I first came to PB I was perplexed I would invite people for drinks or a meal in my home. Rarely did I get invited into theirs. I assumed nobody in PB entertained at home, just at a club or restaurant. I concluded reciprocation at home was a northern custom. I have maintained for decades; please invite me to your home. It's about sharing your space. It's fine to open a jar of pasta sauce; the point is reciprocation!! You don't need fancy stemware or a grand entertainment space. It's about inviting me into your home. This is similar to the lost art of a thank you note, which has been replaced by a text. So sad. Thank you again.
D.Q.
I truly enjoy arranging flowers for centerpieces, but a flowering plant, a sculpture, or a porcelain soup tureen is less expensive and an elegant and easy alternative.
Dearest Holly,
I am just tickled that you wrote about this. I had limited money early in my fledgling career as an Industrial Designer. Fortunately, I was taken under the wing of two older couples of great wealth and experience. Both lived in several international metropolitan areas, however, in apartment buildings with little access to land. As these two couples loved to garden, they spent many happy times in my garden and, afterward, cooking together. This was several decades ago, and we are still close friends to this day. Happily, they taught me the art of more sophisticated entertaining throughout the years, on my Queen Victoria wedding china!
There are many things you can do to reciprocate, even when you are young and on limited budgets. The key is not to be intimidated by a temporary lack of means.
Your information is incredibly helpful to others. Never stop!
Warm wishes,
LGS.
Dear Holly,
I believe many people think they have to "spend” to make an impression. It is not about money, but a bit of freshness, kind thought, creativity, and confidence to show others you care about them. You are a super mentor to many of us, especially the Grand Millenials. So grateful you purport all things both proper and pragmatic.
Best wishes,
L.
Hi Holly,
Your column today was excellent. I thought it was just me hosting with friends who were not reciprocating. Thank you for clarifying and helping me understand that I am not alone.
Happiness, B.G.
Dear Holly,
Yes, yes!!!
We have lively nieces, nephews, and friends of our children who reciprocate in many charming, simple ways—for example, a walk and tea on an afternoon!
You are right on, as usual!
Bises,
S.
Pink silk “faux thistles” are interspersed with real flowers in this arrangement to symbolize Scotland for a luncheon in honor of HM King Charles III’s charity, The King’s Foundation, when the CEO and staff visited Palm Beach. Secret: In a pinch, mixing faux flowers with real flowers can be an elegant and easy, less expensive filler for an arrangement.
Dear Holly,
This month’s edition struck home. My husband and I host several large gatherings a year, Halloween, Christmas, Mid-summer, and more intimate dinner parties. We are increasingly struck by the number of couples who do not reciprocate. It does seem to be an emerging cultural trend, which is unfortunate.
As you mentioned, we have friends who have issues with renovations, dogs, etc. and choose not to entertain in their homes. Many of these friends will meet out for dinner or at a club, an acceptable alternative to entering their homes. However, there is a second category of people who we enjoy spending time with and who obviously enjoy themselves when they are entertained in our home. Yet, no effort is ever made to reciprocate.
I am always bowled over when someone, often a female contemporary, shares feelings of inadequacy or intimidation when faced with the thought of reciprocation. I always reply that simplicity is best, and any invitation is appreciated. Life is too short to feel like you must meet some unrealistic ideal. A burger in the backyard is a welcome invite, as it shows effort.
I have always acknowledged that friendship is hard work. People ebb and flow in and out of our lives over time. If they are unable, or worse unwilling, to put in the effort required to maintain a connection, it can become necessary to edit some connections.
Thank you for your inspired missives, I do enjoy reading them.
K.H.
Dear Ms. Holden,
Thank you very much for writing about reciprocity. I thought it was just me who thought about this with friends, so it is nice to read about the "Art of Hospitality."
Have a wonderful week!
Sincerely,
L.K.
Dear Holly,
Well said! Wonderful to have reminders about mutual respect in society. These ideas deserve attention, and the art of gracious living must be preserved!
Thank you for passing these ideas on to future generations!
S.S.
Dear Holly,
I’m passing your timely article to a few friends. Thank you for reminding us politeness begins at home!
A fan, V.
These are just a few of the letters I received. It is obvious that many of us still want to keep gracious entertaining and reciprocity alive and well… thank heavens!
Xx
Holly