The bells of the Berlin Dom were ringing as Alexandra and Maximilian walked down the stairs after their wedding ceremony 17 years ago!
Love, laughter, and a “happily ever after!”
It’s June, the month of roses and weddings!
Being a guest at a wedding is a treat, but more importantly, witnessing a marriage ceremony is an honor.
Several mother-of-the-bride subscribers have shared their experiences with me about what a guest should NOT do at a wedding! Weddings are truly personal. Times have changed, from pink wedding dresses to ceremonies under the sea. Today, anything goes. But for those of you whom cherish tradition, here are some “No-Nos,” as a little reminder, for guests attending a wedding.
No-no: To not follow the dress code.
What IS done: When in doubt, contact the bride or the mother of the bride to determine what to wear. If the invitation indicates a term you are unsure of, such as “resort chic,” be sure to ask what is expected for attire!
No-No: For a lady guest to wear ALL white.
What IS done: Accessorizing with white is fine, but an all-white outfit is reserved for the bride. (Yet when Catherine Middleton, now the Princess of Wales, was a bride, her sister Pippa wore an all-white gown… times are a-changin!) Also, refrain from wearing black. Why? It is a joyous day of celebration, so choose your dress with that in mind. You may wish to inquire what color the bridesmaids will be wearing, so you will not be wearing the same color.
No-No: To ask if you may give a toast at the last minute.
What IS done: If you wish to give a toast, ask the bride and groom for their blessing well in advance of the wedding. Toasts are traditionally delivered by the bride's father, the best man and the maid of honor, and are planned before the wedding date.
Our son, Stuart III, and his new wife, Karen, joyfully departed The Everglades Club in Palm Beach. Their wedding inspired me to write my second book, Pearls of Palm Beach.
No-No: To say “congratulations” to the bride.
What IS done: Say “best wishes” to the bride. Why? “Congratulations” is reserved for the groom because he was fortunate to have “caught and married” such a lovely lady. This is an old Victorian tradition. Yet, it continues in old-school etiquette. As an alternative, guests may extend their “best wishes” to both the bride and groom.
No-No: To wear sunglasses in church or during any professional wedding photographs.
What IS done: An old-school rule of thumb: don’t wear sunglasses to a wedding ceremony or reception. But, in this age, sunglasses are permissible on a sunny day outside, but kindly remove them when asked to be in a photo.
No-No: To take photographs in the church.
What IS done: A photographer has been hired by the bride to document the wedding ceremony, so let them do their job. As a guest, your responsibility is to show up and respectfully savor the ceremony with your eyes. Take photos after the ceremony outside of the church or ceremony venue.
No-No: To keep your cell phone on during the marriage ceremony in a church or any venue.
What IS done: Turn your phone to silent. Also, without “vibration mode” because subtle noises can be distracting during the marriage ceremony.
No-No: To post photographs of the wedding without first asking permission from either the bride, groom, or mother of the bride.
Our youngest daughter, Caroline and her new husband, Edward, departing Marble House in Newport, Rhode Island.
What IS done: It is always thoughtful to ask before posting. The bride may want to choose from her professional photographs to be posted first on social media on their actual wedding day.
No-No: To take flowers from the reception tables after the reception.
What IS done: If you have been invited to take the flowers, then, do so.
No-No: To not promptly (within one week) R.s.v.p. to the wedding reception invitation.
What IS done: Respond to the wedding invitation as soon as possible (preferably within 48 hours) of receiving your reply card. This tends to be the biggest challenge for brides and requires them to reach out to guests before the wedding date to get an accurate headcount.
No-No: To indicate a “wedding gift registry” on a wedding or bridal shower invitation.
What IS done: Guests may contact the bride or the shower hosts and ask where the bridal couple is registered. A wedding website, which can include their registry, may be indicated on the “Reserve the Date” card.
No-No: Asking to bring a guest (someone other than the person indicated on the invitation envelope) is a no-no.
What IS done: Honor and respect whoever is indicated on the invitation. If your children or “and Guest” is not mentioned, they are not invited.
No-No: To change your place card seating at your assigned reception table.
What IS done: You have been placed where you are for a reason! No matter how tempting it is to change your seating to be close to friends or whomever, do not. Honor your seating assignment. Then, once the meal ends, you can excuse yourself to the dance floor and mingle with others.
No-No: To stay seated when the bride enters the church.
What IS done: Standing is a show of respect and admiration. Keep your eyes on the mother of the bride. When she stands, the guests should stand. If she stays seated, the guests should conform and follow suit.
Stuart and I hold hands when the bride and groom say their vows. It's our quiet way of acknowledging our vows for each other. Cheers to joyful wedding ceremonies!
Xx
Holly