For a stunning serving platter, do you know the secret touch?

When Lady Carnarvon came to visit me at Fox Hall for a luncheon in her honour, I placed this precious little Highclere Castle ornament on the silver serving platter! Now, how simple yet befitting is that?!
PC: Deb Key Imagery

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

Mummy set an example for me by always decorating her party hors d’oeuvres platters with something pretty, unique and original. Instead of just a few flowers or greens to garnish her serving platters, she encouraged me to use something out of the ordinary. Whatever decoration that I decide to use, I keep in mind that it must not only complement the culinary creation being served, but also the decorative colors or aspects of the room where it is presented, the theme of the party... and that it should pay homage to the guest of honour!

On my travels, I make it a point to collect an array of precious little decorative items that I can easily place on a platter. For example, I use my Herend mouse from Scully and Scully in NYC to sit in the middle of a cheese platter… his own little fromage paradise! For Thanksgiving, I have a pair of porcelain pheasants nestled onto an hors d’oeuvres platter, which I purchased at an antique shop in Nantucket. Several other examples are pictured in my book. For the Christmas holidays, I have German Wendt-Kuhn wooden angels singing to various yummy offerings, including my cheese crispies. 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

I use a small ball, the size of a dime, of poster board clay and place it on the bottom of my adornments to hold them more securely when passing the serving platter around. 

Look around your house! You may find petite items that will work well as embellishments for your platter. The key is small and discreet, and not so large that it overwhelms the overall presentation and aesthetic of the food being served. 

Here are a few examples of this practice that may inspire you: a porcelain Limoges box, Christmas ornaments for a holiday party, a silver baby’s cup filled with flowers, a small Staffordshire porcelain animal, or an egg cup with one blossom placed in it! Have fun and go hunting around your house. You may surprise yourself with how many tiny objects you discover.

Do you know THE secret, perfect PARTY PUNCH?

My darling daughter-in-law, Karen, convinced me to share (mind you, reluctantly) my secret Holden punch recipe on my YouTube Channel. She was expecting our little grandson, Stuart IV, and held her glass in great anticipation of enjoying it in the near future after his birth.

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

Pretty party time is anytime! I am going to share my pretty yummy party secret. It's a “pinky swear-able” secret, and one that guests have begged me for years to share. I am going to cup my hands and whisper in your ear... “THE Holden Punch” recipe! A cocktail party is not replete at Fox Hall without a large silver revere bowl, at one end of our dining room table, filled with “THE Holden Punch!”

Of course, other libations are offered, along with a full bar. A reputation has been created through the years, however, so that The Holden Punch MUST make an appearance at our parties!

Offering a punch goes back to British sailors returning from the British East India company in the 17th century, who modified it from a local tradition in India. When these sailors began drinking punch at parties, the practice spread like wildfire and became an established British custom. Why not consider offering one at your next party?

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Mummy taught me that traditional punch cups, while delicate and rather diminutive in size, are lovely for a sip or two for a daytime event, such as a Garden Club meeting. But, for a celebratory evening party, punch cups are not as “party-like” as a larger old-fashioned cocktail glass, or my personal favorite option: a crystal brandy snifter (I adore re-purposing!). By pouring a more “festive” amount of punch into a crystal brandy snifter, your guests know it’s “party time!” The sparkle of the crystal, filled with my pink punch, makes it even more enticing to drink. Cheers!

Party time! Cheers to linen cocktail napkins!

Collecting a medley of pretty cocktail napkins through the years has given me a delightful selection to choose from for every type of party!

---

"Party time is 'pretty' time!"
-Holly Holden

The little details you use when entertaining are the elements that make your guests feel honored and comfortable. 

In light of this, with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the holidays approaching, raise the bar by offering your guests pretty little linen cocktail napkins! Nothing says ‘welcome’ more than greeting your guests at the door with a glass of bubbly along with an elegantly designed cocktail napkin. Voila, the scene is set and the party commences! 

Mummy used to say that paper napkins are for picnics and linen napkins are for lovely guests. Linen napkins can be personalized with embroidered monograms or whatever is meaningful to you, whether the name of your house, family crest, horses, endearment names, your personal quote, or anything else. There are such clever selections of cocktail napkins available that one could potentially collect a pretty set for every possible occasion, and why not?! 

Two additional benefits of using linen cocktail napkins are that you will be going green by reusing them and, if you buy in bulk, they tend to cost approximately the same as nice paper ones. On my YouTube channel and in my book The Pretty and Proper Living Room, I also share some more examples of this practice, since it is one of my signature details when I entertain guests at Fox Hall.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Consider ordering some custom embroidered linen cocktail napkins as a gift to a hostess, for a bridal shower, birthdays, holidays, or 'just because.' I like to think that a bespoke gift is one that is always cherished. Custom linen cocktail napkins are a blank palette to get creative for any occasion!

As for me, The Lori Jayne Store in Palm Beach is my go-to for cocktail napkins. The store has a precious array of designs, along with the capability to embroider whatever you wish to create!

Hello! Shall we discuss mobile phone manners?

What a privilege it was to speak and be feted so graciously by my dear friend and Madame President, Hunter Gundlach, of the Tuckahoe Woman’s Club. Nary a mobile phone in sight!

---

Oh, how glorious it is to be connected to anyone, at just about any time, from a mobile phone.  It is paramount, however, to use it while not imposing on others.

Just recently, I had the honor of giving a talk at the prestigious Tuckahoe Woman's Club in Richmond, Virginia. They entertained me royally with their gracious, southern hospitality. It was a privilege to speak to an audience of 600 ladies who dressed in pink in my honor! Several lovely members were my appointed hostesses. They chauffeured me, hosted a dinner at the Commonwealth Club (crab cakes to die for!) and introduced me to the members at their club. Not once did I see any of these ladies take out their mobile phones, other than to take a photograph... truly!  

How refreshing it was to see all of these ladies living in the moment. And, granted, we were at two private clubs where mobile phones are not permitted, but even so, no one even took a quick peek while speaking with me outside or in the car. These are busy, successful women! As my husband will attest, I need to work on this myself! So, I was inspired to write about mobile phone etiquette. 

Do not be tempted to chat on your mobile phone in a restaurant, church, theatre, private party, business function, or indoors in general! As much as you think you are speaking softly, you will almost always underestimate how loudly you are speaking since the phone is cupped to your ear.

When dining, try not to place your phone on the table, unless you have a reason that you must be available such as for children, medical reasons, or other significant situations. If your phone vibrates in your pocket or handbag, then you can excuse yourself and step outside to a place you will not be within earshot of others. 

When in a public area, try not to talk in anything other than a whispered voice. Nothing is worse than overhearing the conversation of someone on the phone next to you on a train, plane, or even around a hotel pool!

This is applicable when you are in the company of someone, and especially if you are driving a car, or are a passenger: be courteous and ask if the other person does not mind if you make a call, or check your messages. It is disconcerting for a driver to see the passenger totally engaged in their cell phone email messages, without acknowledging them with, “Please excuse me for a moment. I need to check my emails quickly, would you mind?” Otherwise, the driver, passenger or person feels ignored, slighted, and sometimes very insulted. 

When leaving a message, it is always thoughtful to leave your name and phone number on an answering machine. This is especially courteous for a new acquaintance, so that they will not have to look up your number.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To assume someone can chat when you call.  

What is done: It is always thoughtful to ask if it is an appropriate time for them, or inquire, "Can you talk now?" By asking, it allows the other person to let you know if they are busy or wish to call you back at another time.

No-no: To assume that someone can have a personal chat at work.   

What is done: Keep your conversation to the point.  

No-no: To hang up without a proper goodbye.

What is done: It may take a moment to excuse yourself, whether you are late for an appointment, a child, or anywhere else, but just hanging up abruptly is off-putting to anyone.  

No-no: To ring people in different time zones and not be aware of their time. 
 

No-no: To make a personal phone call before 8:30 am, or after 9:00 pm, or during meal times. Time consideration may be different for family members, who you know are liable to be up and ready to chat!

No-no: To use your phone at any time while in an interview or in a classroom. 

Are there other mobile phone nuances that you find bothersome and need to be addressed? Please let me know, and perhaps I will compose Part II on this topic. Oh, it was lovely chatting with you…. good-bye! Tah Tah!  

When addressing an envelope, how do you indicate a couple is not married?

You can assume that this letter is addressed to an unmarried couple, as there is not an “and” in-between their names.

---

There are umpteen etiquette rules on how to appropriately address various titles on envelopes, especially for wedding invitations. If you are simply addressing correspondence or informal invitations, below are some courtesies for you to consider.  
 

Unmarried Couples:
When addressing an envelope to an unmarried couple who lives together, the secret cue they are not married is to write their names independently on two lines and without the word “and,” as in the example below. 
 

For example:

Ms. Holly K. Eason

Mr. R. Stuart Holden
 

If you’re sending invitation to a couple living together as roommates, but not romantically involved, they should each receive their own invitation!

For Married Couples:

For a married couple, their names are joined together with “and,” and can be addressed on the same line. 

For example:

Mr. and Mrs. R. Stuart Holden

If the married couple has different last names, they can still appear on the same line.  

 

When writing the names on two separate lines, their names are still joined with the word "and," in between.

For example:

Ms. Holly K. Eason

and

Mr. R. Stuart Holden

For both unmarried and married couples, the person with the highest rank is always listed first. For same-sex couples, the names may be listed alphabetically.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Are you a polite, thoughtful traveler?

Taking luggage, along with the massive black cases for the camera equipment, to film at Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey) for my public television series, was quite an endeavor! I chose to wear my riding boots on the plane. Lady Carnarvon and I rode together in the episode. I did not want to take the chance of them being lost in my luggage... anyone who rides can understand how cherished their “broken-in riding boots” are!

---

Whether you travel around the world or domestically, being a polite traveler is tantamount to being a thoughtful houseguest... the kind people appreciate and want to invite back to visit! Once you leave your local “kingdom,” you enter into new territory where customs, food, accents or language can vary. Yet, kindness and respect for others will always be your finest asset, anywhere!

Assisting someone with their suitcase, whether picking it up off the baggage carousel or offering to help someone struggling to place a heavy carry-on in an overhead bin, is often appreciated. On my last flight to Ireland, an elderly gentleman offered to help me, but prefaced his offer by saying, “I hope you will not be insulted if I offer to help… but I would be happy to assist you if you would like me to!” It was brilliant manners on his part. By prefacing with respect for my independence as a woman, he was then also able to be chivalrous and useful, and his help was greatly appreciated!  

If you are entering a shop or a business in another country, ask them, preferably in their native language, if they speak English. Just presuming that they speak English is often considered arrogant.

On that note, while there is no need to take an intensive course, everybody appreciates hearing a few particular words in their own language. Learning words and phrases like “thank you,” “please,” “pardon,” or “my apologies,” convey genuine interest in the culture you’re visiting and go a long way in setting yourself apart as a visitor.
 

Take off your sunglasses when meeting someone.  This is applicable anytime, anywhere! It is pretentious to think that the other person does not need to see your eyes, including Customs Officers! 

Have some form of crafts, books, or toys to entertain your children. Little ones are not always interested or amused with the telly available on a plane.  

Dress appropriately when you travel... Well, that is a whole other newsletter!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

There was a massive amount of camera equipment, and we were so grateful to park our Fox Hall Productions van in front of Blenheim Palace by the Private Apartment’s front door! VIP!

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: Not to study how people greet each other in the cultures you’re visiting. While in Europe and America the handshake is largely the go-to gesture, it can very broadly in other cultures. In Japan, for example, direct eye contact and a smile can be considered confrontational. In some middle eastern countries, tradition suggests that men simply raise their right hand to their heart when greeting a woman, rather than making physical contact.

What is done: Just as you would for a visiting houseguest, a little pre-work and studying of the culture you’re visiting will convey a more elegant demeanor and, overall, will enrich your traveling experience more!

When and where is it appropriate to take off your hat?

Tradition dictates pretty hats be worn at weddings in Europe! Our youngest daughter, Caroline, had this one designed by a milliner in New York City to complement the pink dress that she wore to her sister's wedding, which was held in the Berlin Dom, Germany. You can tell from her smile that it was a glorious day!

---

My darling grandson in England, a dapper dresser like his father, asked me if he should take his hat off when being introduced to someone... well, that certainly inspired me for the topic today!

Gentlemen: Yes, a hat should be removed out of respect when being introduced to someone and especially with or while in the presence of a lady! For other occasions, a hat should be removed when the national anthem is played, upon entering a church, a restaurant, a private home, a school, a theater or movie, in a place of business, or during business meetings. A loose rule of thumb for men is to remove your hat when indoors or in the presence of a lady.

A less formal, but still acceptable, gesture for gentlemen is to simply lift the hat off the head for a moment, nod, and place it back on. One may tip the hat by the brim too, just like the cowboys did in western movies.

For both men and women, any hat may be worn outside and in public places such as in elevators, airports, hotels, and public transportation.

Ladies: Oh, lucky you! Your pretty dress hats do not need to be removed when indoors, when the national anthem is played, or any of the above rules for men because your hat is deemed as a fashion accessory for your outfit! The exception is if a lady is wearing an informal hat which is worn for warmth in the winter and should be taken off while indoors.

After five in the evening, or once the sun sets, a lady does not wear a brimmed hat. The reasoning behind this is that a brim is not needed after sunset.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Which side are ornaments such as bows, pins, feathers, or flowers placed on a hat? 
 

Women are always RIGHT! Right?! Yes, bows, pins, and other ornamentation are traditionally placed on the right side of a woman's hat. Although, these days, milliners are quite creative and embellish all aspects of a hat. 
 

For gentlemen, the ornamentation goes on the left side of the hat.

Ladies should be sure to respectfully check with hosts when invited to attend a wedding, funeral, or christening in Europe as well as other countries to see if they recommend that a hat be worn. It is customary for ladies to wear elegant hats to these functions, which I think is simply splendid, as it adds to the celebratory elegance and time honored tradition of these events.

Frankly, baseball caps tend to be the prominent hat of choice these days for both men and women, especially in the United States. Baseball caps are considered a man's hat, or a unisex hat, so the same rules would apply to women as to men, meaning hats off during the National Anthem and the other formal occasions mentioned previously. 

All hats may be left on at all times for both men and women if it is for medical reasons. No questions asked.

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: When removing a hat as a courtesy while being introduced, to have the lining face the other person.
 

What is done: The lining, once the hat is removed, is held toward you, not the other person.

What does "No Gifts" on an invitation mean to you?

When "No Gifts" is indicated on an invitation, you most certainly do not need to bring a gift. I just cannot resist not bringing a little something, though!

---

Mummy shared with me that if a friend dropped off some home-baked cookies or a vase of flowers from their garden, that I was to return the empty container to them cleaner than when I received it... along with a little something inside as a gift back to them. For example, I've sent back a few homemade cookies, a jar of yummy jam, some chocolates, a couple of sprigs of rosemary from the garden to fill a vase, or simply a slice of birthday cake. It is the thought that counts. If it is homemade, even better!

The reason why I shared the "return-practice" above is that it is also how I deal with an invitation that states "No Gifts."  I, personally, cannot go to a party empty-handed! Giving a gift gives me so much joy! Perhaps it’s the Southerner in me, but no gifts feels just like returning a plate without a little something inside. 

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

I believe that when "No Gifts" is on an invitation, the hosts want to make their guests feel at ease and not obligated to bring a gift, which is genuinely thoughtful. I believe it is just as thoughtful, however, to humbly and politely exceed expectations as a guest.

It does not have to be much. Depending on the celebratory occasion I’ve brought bottles of champagne, flowering plants, cut flowers from my garden, my homemade spiced pecans, or museum notecards from an overseas trip, all of which have been well-received, even when there is "No Gifts" indicated on the invitation. If it happens to be a more substantial celebration, then I may give a more significant gift, such as a silver frame engraved with the date or their initials.

Forbidden Faux Pas

To make a big show of bringing a gift when "No Gifts" is specified on the invitation.

If you choose to ignore the “No Gifts” indication and bring a gift, then it is imperative that you are exceptionally discreet about doing so. The key is to be subtle when arriving with a gift in your hand. Place your gift quietly off to the side somewhere without bringing any attention to your gesture. You do not want to make others feel uncomfortable that they did not bring a gift. Better yet, have it mailed directly to the house before or after the party!

Part II: What polite vocabulary do you know?

Mummy shared with me that "drapes" are what are used on a coffin. "Curtains" are what hang in a window! These curtains have a stunning bespoke and Chinese Chippendale inspired pelmet.

---

Let's carry on with a few more vocabulary words which you may also wish to know. There are words interpreted in certain circles as inferior, and knowing these distinctions can go a long way towards creating a lasting first impression.  

 

Incorrect: drape
Correct: curtain
Reasoning: Drapes go on a coffin, curtains are hung on a window.

Incorrect: invite

Correct: invitation

Reasoning: "Invitation" is the written-out form for inviting someone to a function. The word "invite" is the verb to ask someone to attend a function. 

Incorrect: cheap
Correct: inexpensive
Reasoning: My dear friend, Graham Smith, co-founder of "The Welcome Home Podcast", suggested two words which her grandmother would correct her on. "Cheap," her grandmother would say, implies quality, whereas "inexpensive" means cost. Graham was never allowed to call anything cheap other than to describe a fabric or something such as that!


Incorrect: throw a party
Correct: host a party
Reasoning: A host "hosts" a party and does not "throw" it!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Part II: How does one make an appropriate introduction?

When I first went to Blenheim Palace to meet Lady Henrietta Spencer-Churchill, the eldest daughter of the late 11th Duke of Marlborough, she very graciously asked me to call her Henrietta. We created a television episode together in the private apartments of the Palace. It was the first time these stunning rooms, where Henrietta spent much of her childhood, had been filmed.

---

The sweetest words to anyone's ears is their name!  The most aggravating words, on the other hand, is to hear their name mispronounced!  If you are being introduced to someone and are not quite sure you heard it correctly, kindly ask them to repeat their name. 

Quite often, people mistake my name as Molly. So, I say, "It's Holly, with an 'H,'" along with a big smile so that they are not embarrassed by their mistake.  My precious friend's name is Tita, and when I introduce her to friends she thoughtfully says, "It rhymes with Rita!" which is such a clever technique too!

Married couples are introduced individually. For example, I would be introduced as Holly Holden and my husband would be introduced as Stuart Holden, rather than "Holly and Stuart Holden." If the wife uses her maiden name, then it is considerate to state who her husband is, as in: "this is Peter's wife." This gesture is helpful for all parties to understand the association between a couple. 

Many people take offense if you do not introduce them along with their titles. ‘Lord’ and ‘Lady,’ for example, are used in place of ‘Mr.’ and ‘Mrs.’ It would be ‘Lord Foxhaven’ and ‘Lady Foxhaven,’ not ‘Mr. Foxhaven’ and ‘Mrs. Foxhaven.’ It is then up to Lord Foxhaven or Lady Foxhaven, if they wish, to say, "Please, call me by my first name."  

Do not assume that an adult wishes to be called by their first name when introduced to someone younger. Out of respect, many of our children's friends, now in their 30's and 40's, continue to call me Mrs. Holden, even though I have asked them "Please, do call me Holly!" Slowly, they are now coming around to it, and it's about time, as their titles (Judge, Doctor, Professor) are much more impressive than mine!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

How does one make an appropriate introduction?

Well, it was a delight to introduce these two at Fox Hall in 2016! When you have two equally high ranking people, a lady would come before a gentleman, so the gentleman is presented to her.

"Lady Carnarvon, may I introduce you to Jerry Franklin, the CEO of Connecticut Public Television? Jerry, Lady Carnarvon arrived from Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey) and we are thrilled to have her speaking at the Hill-Stead Museum in Farmington!"

Photo Credit: Deb Key Imagery

---

Age or rank come first

The name you say first is the most important and is determined by whether the person is the eldest or has the highest rank. For example, you would present a student to a teacher, or a work associate to a CEO, or a lieutenant to a General.

Here are two ways of how to say the first line of an introduction with the examples of: “May I introduce", and, "please meet”. 
 

"Mummy, may I introduce my friend and classmate, Sarah Spencer, to you!”  

"Mrs. Zwiener, please meet my seamstress, Erica Merry."  

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Next, present the person of lesser age or rank

Be sure to include their first and last name, along with a little bit of information about them.
 

"Sarah, this is my Mum, Mrs. Eason, who also loves classical design as much as you do! Mummy, Sarah is the head of the British Sporting Art here at the museum and studied in England, just like you!"

(Note: Mummy’s “Mrs.” title is offered as an introduction to a younger person. If it is for someone near the same age then her first name is offered, Emmalene Eason)

"Erica, I thought you may wish to meet Mrs. Zwiener, as she founded DesignSourceCT, a comprehensive design showroom to the trade. You are a stupendous seamstress, so from fabrics, trims, and clients, I know you have much in common!"

Tantamount to giving a gift, making an introduction can be a most gratifying gesture for all parties. There is a chance that your introduction may prelude a relationship for both people!  Whether your introduction creates lifelong friends, future lovers, or an important business connection, the effort you make to compose your introduction and what you add to it are all part of your gift.  Ultimately, a great introduction reflects well on you!

Forbidden Faux Pas

Not to include the first AND last name for both people being introduced, unless you are introducing a large group to one person! 

To introduce a relative by their relationship name and not offer their full name. Say what their real name is besides Mummy, cousin, aunt, etc. If you just hear the name “Mummy,” how in the world would you know her first and last name?! 

To use a person’s nickname in an introduction, unless you know that person truly prefers it over their formal name, which I do myself! 

To not include someone’s formal title in the introduction. If the person wishes not to have you use their title, they will speak up and make an alternative suggestion.  

It is always best to err on the side of formality, a lesson I learned from both Mummy and Daddy which has served me well!!

More on appropriate and meaningful introductions will be continued in part 2!

---

Are you aware of these additional U.S. flag protocols?

My wishes for a happy Labor Day celebration! This table was designed by Clary Bosbyshell Welsh and was posted on my Instagram.

---

The U.S. flag is the living symbol of our country. Labor Day is another reason to fly your flag properly and respectfully. 
 

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a national holiday to honor the dedication and achievements of American workers, and the strength they've contributed to our country. It originally began in 1882 in New York City to celebrate labor unions and their contributions to the country. Today, it is more about celebrating the end of summer with flags, family, picnics and parades!

The traditional U.S. flag fabric is made of cotton, which drapes well, but is quite heavy, so it is used mainly for inside decorative purposes. Nylon flags are used more often outdoors because of the durability of the fabric and its resistance to fading.  Because nylon is lightweight, it can fly befittingly in the wind too!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Do you know these additional flag facts?

Hildene was the summer house of Robert and Mary Lincoln (Robert was President Abraham Lincoln's only child) in Manchester, Vermont. If you have the opportunity to visit during the summer, as I photographed here, the gardens overlooking the mountain ridges surrounding are spectacular. You’ll also learn about the flag pole, which has a most unique story! The copper finial was missing at the top of the pole when a dignitary was coming to visit. So, in haste, a replacement ball float, used for a toilet, was painted gold and was used to adorn the top of the pole. This is ingenuity at its best, while adhering to flag pole protocol!

---

No other flag should ever be hung above a U.S. flag, only underneath it. If two flags (an additional state flag, for example) are being hung on the same pole, the U.S. flag is always on the top. The Union, the blue and white stars portion, is always closest to the pole. 

When the U.S. flag is displayed on a pole and on a stage, it is placed to the speakers right, or the audience’s left.  Other flags, such as a state flag, are placed on the other side of the stage, to the speaker’s left.

An outdoor flag should be lit after dark... but this rule has become rather relaxed for residential use. Our flood light goes out after midnight!

A flag should never touch the ground. That is why ceremoniously, two people fold the flag when it is lowered. 
 

The U.S. flag should not be flown dirty, faded, torn or frayed. From my experience, I have found that our flag at Fox Hall needs to be replaced every two years so that it remains colorful and at its best! 

The U.S. flag should be disposed of by burning, along with offering a salute, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, and with a moment of reflection. 
 

Happy Labor Day and God bless America! 

---

How do you become a world-class houseguest?

My son-in-law surprised me with this bouquet of pretty pink flowers, which was delivered the day after he left Fox Hall for a business trip. This arrangement has moved from room to room for our entire family to enjoy. I even used them as the centerpiece for my daughter's 40th birthday party! The gift that keeps on giving, right?

---

After years of hosting at Fox Hall, my husband and I have had some of the most delightful houseguests. Their manners have touched my heart and remain brilliant examples for me to share with you!
 

Consider giving flowers as an all around wonderful hostess gift. Either send flowers in advance, during the arrival or, as my son-in-law does, the day after his departure. Even for your family members it’s a thoughtful gesture. If you have never been to the house before, a bouquet of white flowers complements any interior. 
 

Let your hosts know if you have any allergies or special dietary needs or dislikes. Nothing is more stressful for a hostess than to find out a guest, while a meal is being served, has special dietary needs like vegetarianism, lactose intolerance, or gluten allergies. Simply call the hostess in advance of arriving and say something as simple as, "Please do not go out of your way at all, but I just want you to know I am gluten-free so I will bring my own bread or I can eat around whatever you are preparing!” 
 

Take your makeup off before using the host’s towels or sleeping on their linens. At the end of your stay, make your bed in the morning and offer to strip and place the sheets in the pillowcases. This looks tidier when placed inside a pillowcase rather than just piled on the bed. Fold up your used towels and robes and place them on the bed or in the bathroom. 
 

Offering to help in the kitchen while the hostess is cooking is also appreciated. If she says no, however, be respectful and go rejoin the other guests for cocktail hour or whatever is taking place. This applies to cleaning up after the meal as well.  
 

Another nice gesture is to offer to cook a meal or take the hosts out to dinner. Also try setting the table for breakfast or filling the coffee maker for the next day, as morning comes all too quickly when you’re having a ball!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Once you are aware of your guests dietary restrictions or food dislikes, be sure to keep a record of them in your “contact” notes or your address book for easy reference the next time they come to visit!

---

By popular request, below is one of Lori Jayne's custom makeup towels which have become a must-have in Palm Beach. Everybody I know adores them, so I thought I'd share it with you as well!

---

What additional niceties should you consider for your house guests?

My parents introduced me to the Greenbrier Hotel, in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia and it is a heavenly place we have returned to with our children too. Each guest room has this precious pillow on the door. I purchased this one in the gift shop to hang on the door for one of our guest rooms- my subtle nod to the South!

---

Mummy always said: "To know what house guests appreciate having in their room, spend the night in the guest bedroom!" Roleplay yourself as the guest, experience waking up in the bedroom, and then you will truly discover what else is needed for your guest’s stay.
 

Another thoughtful idea to welcome your house guest is to hang the flag from the country they are from or have something representative of their country on display. My son-in-law is German. He is always thrilled to see the German flag hanging at Fox Hall, underneath the American flag, when he and my daughter visit from England.
 

Other details include making sure a full-length mirror is easily accessible, either in the guest bedroom or their bathroom. A mirror can be easily be installed on the front or back of a door. A night light in the guest bathroom is a thoughtful addition too!
 

In researching for my upcoming book, I’ve also noticed the Staves wooden jigsaw puzzle has become popular among Palm Beach family homes. Situated on a handsome games table or coffee table, the Staves jigsaw allows guests to sit and ponder as they work with the pieces. These hand crafted puzzles are also stunning. My husband and I had one given to us as an invitation to celebrate a grand birthday weekend at Ballyfin Hotel in Ireland! What a clever idea, right?

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

Although there are multiple beautiful color options, white is the traditional towel color here in America as well as in England. This tradition also applies to robes, bath mats, and sheets. 
 

They can, however, be adorned with embroidery featuring the name or logo of the house, the family crest, or the monogrammed initials of the hostess of the house. Other options include having a decorative embroidered design, a colorful edging, or cheerful polka dots; all of which are meant to complement the color scheme of the bathroom or bedroom.

My friend Bettie Bearden Pardee, the lovely author of Private Newportblog, wrote a splendid little paperback book in 1991 which is chock full of timeless entertaining ideas: Great Weekend Entertaining. If you can get your hands on a copy, grab it for inspiration the next time you have house guests!

Our carriage house is named Little Fox. The fox logo is embroidered onto the bed linens in various colors to compliment the curtains. 'Little Fox' is also embroidered onto our towels.

---

Are you "going green" for an elegant cocktail hour?

Linen cocktail napkins are easily accessible when placed in my silver toast caddy. My mother-in-law brought these back to me as a gift from one of her many trips to England.

---

Mummy always said that paper napkins are for picnics, linen napkins are for lovely guests! She advised me to offer linen cocktail napkins to guests when serving drinks at any time of the day. This accessory may seem retro to you, but they announce "Party!" to me! You will also be going green quite elegantly by reusing your linen cocktail napkins for future events, versus just throwing paper ones out. I estimate about two cocktail napkins per guest: one for drinks and another to be passed along with an hors d’oeuvres.

For me, it is a delight to discover precious new linen designs. The design can be an opportunity to show your personal style, and can also become a conversation piece. Cocktail napkins can be whimsical with cute embroidery or a clever saying. Mummy had little ones that had roosters embroidered on them. When I inquired "Why roosters, for heaven's sake?," her response was: "Cock-tails, my dear!" That answered that! On my YouTube channel, I show an example of this... link.

---

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Cocktail napkins can be customized easily with the design of amusing objects to reflect your interests (horses for me!), or more formal in plain white. It can be such a joy to collect a myriad of cocktail napkins for various occasions from holidays to room color schemes. My predominant justification is "just because they are pretty!"
 

After an event, it’s also an honour to receive one back in the mail from a guest! Gentlemen have a propensity to pop them in their pocket at some point at cocktail hour. I imagine it’s because it feels like using a handkerchief which naturally goes back in the pocket. They are always sheepishly embarrassed to have "lifted" one of my napkins. I reassure them that it is a high compliment that they liked them so much to have taken one!

Millennial Tip

Purchasing darling linen cocktail napkins can be simple. Find elegant linen cocktail napkins at linen and upscale gift stores, auctions, and even eBay. Opt to have some custom embroidered with your initials or to match a motif in your house. Give them as a hostess gift. I positively adore receiving them as one can never have too many! A darling linen cocktail napkin can be framed as art also!

In my book, The Pretty and Proper Living Room, page 103, I discuss cocktail napkins and how to clean them... link

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: As a guest, to use a linen cocktail napkin for a receptacle of pits, toothpicks, or an unwanted bite of something served to you! Find a plate or a place to dispose of these items properly.

What niceties do you bestow upon your house guests?

Mouthwash in a wine decanter placed in one of our guest bathrooms... the “Bourbon” is even more amusing when I use the amber toned Listerine!

---

A few of you have kindly requested that I comment on how to be a thoughtful hostess to house guests.  Summer, in particular, is a prime season! 
 

Oh, I do love a party, especially when our guests and family come to visit us at Fox Hall, at any time of year.  In Robert Louis Stevenson's words, "A friend is a gift you give yourself." To me, a house guest is a substantial gift that accords immense pleasure to my husband and me. Yes, it requires planning and loads of TLC effort, but is worth every minute!

A few days before a house guest arrives, I inquire as to what they would like to do, offer suggestions, and get their feedback, being flexible as to their wants and desires. I think it is thoughtful to let guests know an event schedule with approximate times in advance of their arrival. I do not propose to be a camp director, however!  After we discuss all the options in advance, I let them know when drinks will commence in the evening or, if an activity is organized (from attending a horse race to going out to dinner), when it will take place and the dress code if needed. This allows guests to know what to pack, and when they have free time to take a nap, to go for a walk and explore, check emails, or simply to sit and relax.

Mummy always made sure a small vase of flowers from the garden (or store-bought flowers during the winter months) was placed bedside for her house guests and for me whenever I returned home. I joyfully perpetuate this tradition for my children and guests! When I was filming my television episode with Lady Carnarvon at Highclere Castle (Downton Abbey), we spoke about house guests in depth. She admitted to running up and down the massive staircase to deliver vases with the hand-picked flowers which she arranges for her house guests too!

Here are a few of the niceties that I provide for our house guests. Many of them may sound as if you are running a hotel, but from my experience guests always appreciate these thoughtful gestures. 

Guest Bedroom:

1. A luggage rack or two

2. A bottle of water with a glass on a tray

3. Something sweet: a small dish of chocolates

4. Something savory: my rosemary pecans

5. Books and magazines I think they may enjoy

6. A soft throw on the side chair, in case they want to snuggle up in it

7. Two kinds of pillows: soft and medium soft

8. Strip cord near the bedside to recharge a phone, etc.

9. The wifi code

10. A pad of paper with a pen

11. Tissue box

12. Plenty of matching hangers in the closet

13. An additional blanket in the closet

Guest Bathroom:

1. Always a fresh bar of soap on the sink and in the shower/tub

2. Shampoo, conditioner and body soap

3. Terry cloth robe

4. Plenty of towels

5. A "black makeup washcloth" (I delightfully discovered this in many Palm Beach guest bathrooms!)

6. Shower cap

7. Body lotion

8. Mouthwash, I always pour it into a crystal wine decanter, just for smiles!

9. Drinking glass

10. A basket or drawer full of toiletries: a new razor, comb, brush, a new toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, a lint brush, cotton balls, Q-tips, make up remover, shaving cream, hair spray and mousse

11. Hair dryer (know your guests! Electric curlers or a curling iron may be thoughtful too)

12. Magnifying mirror

13. Hooks on the wall for towels and robes

14. Extra rolls of toilet paper

15. A roll of paper towels and a bottle of Windex, just in case they need it.

Your house guests love to be spoiled royally by you! The memories created by your efforts are the golden nuggets you give them and yourself.  Once they have left, you can rightfully collapse...with sweet memories in your heart!

---

S&S has a lovely assortment of luggage racks to choose from!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Avert these 5 common gaffes during tea time!

The Countess Grey variety of loose tea is my most favorite tea! Fortnum and Mason in London, which has a Royal Warrant issued by the British royal family, created this traditional tea which has a subtle, light, citrus and orange character.

---

1. Drinking tea with a tea bag still in the cup!

The tradition of afternoon tea requires loose tea leaves, which seep inside the teapot and are then strained while poured into the cup. But these days, tea bags are often used for ease and simplicity. If a tea bag happens to be served to you in your cup (or mug) in a casual environment or establishment, simply remove the tea bag and place it on the plate offered or on your saucer before taking a sip. The tea bag may remain within a teapot, but avoid having the string with the paper label dangling on the side of the cup at all costs!

---

Left: Mummy's Limoges hot chocolate pot with its cup and saucer. Both are delicate and vertically tall for more hot chocolate to serve- yum!

Center: A Meissen coffee pot, shown with a different example of a coffee cup and saucer.

Right: Mummy's English daisy teapot with a cup and saucer... perfect for any girl or boy of any age to have their first tea party!

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

2. Know the difference between a teapot and a coffee pot, along with their respective cups!

Whether you’re using porcelain or silver, Mummy always emphasized the difference between a teapot (round and stout) and a coffee pot (taller and slimmer). If you only have one in your porcelain or silver repertoire, be aware of the distinction between the shape of both so that you know which goes in what! 

The shape of a teacup has a wide-open rim versus a coffee cup which stands a tad taller vertically and has a slightly larger handle. Tallest of all is the hot chocolate cup, which is perfect for serving the beverage with a little dollop of whipped cream!

3. To clink your teacup while stirring

Stir in a 12 to 6 o’clock motion back and forth, not right to left, nor in a circular motion. Try your best not to clink the cup.

---

The Garden Club of Hartford commences monthly meetings at members' houses with tea and coffee. My dear friend, Brie, hosted this lovely event in her stunning historic house where President Roosevelt's sister once lived.

---

4. Not allowing the hostess to serve you

If you are the hostess, you pour the tea one cup at a time and offer it to your guests one at a time. As the hostess, you may also appoint someone else to pour. Our Garden Club of Hartford still maintains the formality of having tea served by a designated hostess at one end of the dining room table while coffee is served at the other end by another appointed hostess. The hostesses are seated while they pour and the table is dressed with a traditional white linen tablecloth. Both the tea and coffee pots are placed on a silver tray.

5. Not holding the teacup correctly

Avoid wrapping both hands around your cup (or mug) or placing your finger completely through the handle while wrapping your hand around it! 
 

Instead, place your thumb and index finger in between the handle of a teacup while the third finger supports the cup under the handle. The pinky finger stays down!
 

If you are standing at a reception, do not leave the saucer on the table. Both the teacup and saucer remain together with one hand under the saucer and the other picking up the cup to sip from.

---

A remarkable Herend tea set hand-painted with delicate details and 24K gold accents was created in a limited edition to honor the 60th anniversary of Scully & Scully's partnership with Herend porcelain.

---

Which is more formal: high tea or afternoon tea?

English afternoon tea at Claridge's Hotel is world famous and deemed the most traditional and best in London. I think it is divine! A three-tiered plate stand accompanies a formal afternoon tea celebration donning scones, tea sandwiches, assorted elegant pastries, and yummy cakes!

---

Sorry to surprise some of you, but that lovely social tea event served around four in the afternoon... well, it is not called “high tea”!  It is correctly called “afternoon tea”. Whether served in a noble house, a grand hotel, an English country house, or your own house, it’s still called afternoon tea. The Queen simply calls it tea. 

High tea, which many Americans mistake for afternoon tea, is served later in the day between five and seven in the evening. High tea is accompanied with a medley of savoury and hearty fare. It is considered to be more of a light dinner served after the workday and is often referred to as working-class tea—quite the opposite of afternoon tea! 

When did this afternoon tea tradition begin? Around 1840’s the 7th Duchess of Bedford visited Belvoir Castle in England and was a bit peckish in the afternoon.  Back then there were only two meals, breakfast and dinner. Dinner was traditionally served around eight or nine in the evening. To hold her hunger over until dinner, the Duchess had tea and biscuits served in her private room. Eventually, her experience was so pleasant that it morphed into a social event, taking place in her own drawing-room where other ladies were invited to join her. Afternoon tea soon became a fashionable social occasion in England.  

The ritual of afternoon tea in the 1840’s was soon graced with lovely linens and fashionable accoutrements created by English china manufacturers and silversmiths—all of which continues today.  Afternoon tea consists of tea, crustless sandwiches, scones, sweet cakes, pastries, and is often served while seated on the sofa or comfortable chairs. The tea is placed on a coffee table or a low table, hence it is also referred to as “low tea”.

By the way, “cream tea” is simply tea served with scones, clotted cream, and preserves.  “Champagne tea” is just as you would imagine: tea served along with a glass of champagne.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Millennial Tip

If you are invited to have afternoon tea in a noble house or an establishment like Claridge's Hotel in London, make the effort to educate yourself about English tea traditions and the expected protocol. Did you know that a scone is split apart in two with your fingers, not a knife, and that each side is eaten separately?

To learn more about tea protocol, I am honoured to know and advocate William Hanson (williamhanson.co.uk). He conducts etiquette courses in the UK and all over the world with his keen knowledge and brilliant sense of humor. 
 

Myka Meier, founder of Beaumont Etiquette in NYC (beaumontetiquette.com) also offers courses online and at The Plaza Hotel in New York, and was introduced to me by The Glampad blog. 

---

What polite vocabulary do you know?

My mother-in-law always creates the most divine Christmas evening buffet (not "spread"!) for the family. After a joyous, yet long long day of celebration, it is such a delight to imbibe in champagne and enjoy her culinary creations while sitting in the living room together to relive the memories of the day (all the while the children are playing with their newly acquired Santa toys!)

---

It has come to my attention to correct a few commonly used words whose hidden interpretations you may not be aware of. The use of these words can often reflect one's education and background as a part of the old school code. Mummy wanted me to know the difference. 
 

Here is a personal story detailing the consequences: my girls prep school English teacher reprimanded me, in front of the entire 8th-grade class (the kind of embarrassment that you never forget!) for using the word "raised" in my sentence: "He was raised in America." She said animals and crops are "raised" and children are "reared". So from then on, my children were "reared in New England"! Reared is the more traditional, polished choice.

Other common mistakes include: 

Correct Form: Children

Incorrect: Kids

Reasoning: Kids are baby goats, “raised” by a mother goat!

Correct Form: Buffet

Incorrect: Spread

Reasoning: A time-honored tradition, "spread" is never used.

Correct Form: Dinner Jacket or Black Tie

Incorrect: Tuxedo

Reasoning: A time-honored tradition, "tuxedo" is never used.

Correct Form: How do you do?

Incorrect: Pleased to meet you

Reasoning: A time-honored tradition, “pleased to meet you” is only used after both people state the “how do you do?” greeting first. 

Correct Form: To have tea

Incorrect Form: To take tea

Reasoning: One takes a bath, one has tea.

---

Stuart and I were honored to attend the black-tie dinner (not tuxedo!) gala at the invitation of Peter Lyden, the President of the Institute of Architecture and Art for the celebratory Arthur Ross awards, held at The University Club in NY city.

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Why send your wedding gift in advance of the wedding?

Brides register at Scully and Scully and, if they wish, they can have their very own place setting featured, among the other brides' place settings!

---

Sending a wedding gift within 48 hours of receiving a wedding invitation is easy to do, and from my experience, most considerate! The first presents that arrive are always opened with great joy and anticipation and tend to be remembered most.  I can still fondly recall the first ten gifts that Stuart and I received, but after that, I would need to refer to my wedding gift list.

It is thoughtful to reach out to the bride or her parents to see which address is most convenient.  In the past, the gift was sent to the bride's parents. They were the hosts of the reception, and their address was indicated on the wedding invitation envelope.  
 

Today, many brides are living and working away from home, living with their fiances, or sharing the expense of the reception with both sets of parents.  The bride may appreciate having the gifts sent directly to her address so that she does not have to arrange to have the gifts forwarded on to her. This may also give her the opportunity to write a thank you note promptly. 
 

A gift card is also an essential complement to your wedding gift. It is addressed to the bride, with her maiden name spelled out the way it is presented on the invitation, with Miss or Ms. as her title, unless she has another title.  The salutation is to the bride only, but remember to include the name of the groom within the body of the note, along with your good wishes and love. 

Oh, if you are personally sending the gift, be sure the gift card is firmly attached to the present or placed inside the box! They can easily be separated and lost, which is a nightmare for the bride to figure out! 

If the bride does not know you yet because you are friends of the groom's family, be sure to sign your gift card with your last name. An example signature would be: Holly and Stuart Holden (wife's name first, as the husband's name is never separated from his last name).

---

Sign up for Mummy’s Monday Manners to receive new sparkling tips about etiquette and classic design every week, along with a free download of Holly’s Elegant Entertaining e-book.

---

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To bring a wedding gift to the reception or church.  It just creates a logistical challenge to the couple, wedding planner, or bridal party, to resolve where and how to transport the presents after the reception.  The wedding couple should just be celebrating their wedding day with family and friends!

No-no: To mention a wedding gift registry on a wedding invitation or a bridal shower invitation.

What is done:  Guests may reach out to the bride or the other hosts to ask where the bridal couple is registered.

Millennial Tip

The couple will be occupied with wedding details the last few days before the event. Opening presents, while a lovely activity to do, is usually not at the top of the list at that point. Send your gift early and have it be remembered!

Both of my daughters had a gift registry at Scully & Scully on Park Avenue in New York City. It was an exceptional experience.

It is simply charming to see how individualized each bride's choices are. Moreover, it is such fun discovering a personalized place setting that belongs to a bride you know!

---