"Mummy's Fold," her preferred napkin-folding method, at Fox Hall.
Napkins can be a secret signal in more ways than one! How you fold, place and use them has a language all its own.
Mummy always said the napkins need to be pressed and folded correctly. The fold method she taught me to use (pictured above), is quite simple to execute and appropriate for informal as well as formal dining. I have also used the Duchess fold for formal dinner parties, which is quite regal but does require practice and a bit of finesse to fold it correctly. The Duchess fold is the napkin fold most prevalent in the English palaces and castles where I have been invited. It definitely requires a large, starched, dinner-size napkin to properly execute the fold technique.
The Duchess Fold (seen above) is often used at grand homes throughout England, including many royal homes. Here it is at Woburn Abbey.
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While seated, wait for the hostess to remove their napkin first, and then follow her lead and place yours on your lap, unfolding once from a square into the long rectangular length, with the fold facing towards you. If you are at a table of friends, without the presence of a hostess, proceed to place the napkin in your lap right away when you are seated.
Waving a white flag announces surrender, correct? Well, how you fold and place your used napkin when the dinner is over quietly announces your etiquette adeptness! At the end of dinner, fold your napkin as similarly as the way it was folded when you arrived at the table, and place it back to the left of where the forks were. If the napkin was originally presented in a challenging fold, do not attempt to duplicate it! Simply fold it into a regular rectangular shape. After the dinner guests have departed, it can be amusing for the hostess to see which one of her guests know this old-school signal of good manners... and it is always a delight to see which of the gentlemen have mastered this. By the way, if you are at a restaurant and not a private house, you may be much more relaxed — just loosely, semi-refold the napkin.
Forbidden Faux Pas
No-No: To place a fork ON TOP of a napkin. The only exception to this rule is if you are dining outside and the possibility of wind would require you to weigh down the napkin with a fork to keep it from blowing away.
No-No: To place your napkin back on the table during dinner if you need to excuse yourself.
What is done: If you must excuse yourself, do not explain why. Simply say, “excuse me” and leave momentarily. Then, place your napkin on the chair, NOT the table, until you return.
No-No: Wiping your entire mouth with a napkin, or, heaven forbid, using it as a handkerchief for your nose!
What is done: Simply dab lightly at the corners of your mouth, using the inside of the napkin, so that it is not seen on the outside of the napkin and will not get on your clothes. Try your very best, ladies, not to get lipstick on the linen napkin as a courtesy to the hostess.
Millennial Tip
Napkins come in various sizes. To narrow it down, a luncheon size is smaller than the larger dinner size. You are quite fortunate if you inherit linens, as the older linens can be of exceptional size and quality. I like to have linens with elegant monogramming or family crests embroidered on them. It does not matter if they do not match your own initials- they represent family! Splendid varieties of older linens are available at private sales and auctions. And, one of my most favorite stores to buy new linens with exceptional custom embroidery is Lori Jayne in Palm Beach!