Part III: Wedding Guests: Comments and Q&A

Weddings replenish our hearts with love and joy! Our youngest daughter, Caroline, and her new husband were having a quiet (almost private!) embrace on their wedding day while on the balcony of Marble House in Newport, Rhode Island.

Every week, it is a delight to receive your thoughtful comments and a few questions as well.  I thought you may enjoy reading these three VERY insightful remarks below, along with a few questions that were posed! 

I was parentally instructed 50 or so years ago not to swivel when the bride and her father walk down the aisle. To this day I don't do it.  I think the purpose of the old rule was to prevent gawking: surely an affront to "lovely living."  But amid so many other modern affronts, I fear that battle is lost.

Just before my daughter was going to walk down the aisle, I looked at my daughter’s “attending friend” who was doing a reading.  I asked if she had the verse handy to read and she responded that she was JUST GOING TO READ IT FROM HER PHONE!!  I looked her in the eye and said OH, NO YOU'RE NOT!  I quickly gave her a scrap of paper and a pen and told her to get busy writing!

Having been an Episcopal priest for almost 45 years, I have been part of many weddings.  It is always an honor and blessing to preside at a marriage rite. Thank you so much for your comments and guidance concerning weddings.  Too often guests haven’t a clue about how to act at a service or reception, for that matter.  I hope that your thoughtful guidance will be paid attention to and appreciated.  Simple civility can make life exciting and gracious.  Dare I repeat, “Do unto others…?”

With the church bells ringing at the Berlin Dom, our guests cheered our daughter, Alexandra, and her new husband, Maximilian, as they descended the steps to begin their new life as a married couple!

Here are a few questions that were posed to me in reference to wedding guests:

Wedding registries... must they be adhered to?

Absolutely not!  Take a moment and look at the bride’s registry online to see the style that she has embraced.  Is it modern or traditional?  If you wish to order something not on the registry, try to get something similar to her choice of style. I order a bespoke gift, one that can be customized.  For example, I arrange to have the date of the wedding or the initials of the couple engraved on a tray or picture frame.  (Remember, the bride’s initial comes first!)

Wedding presents used to be beautifully wrapped with a handwritten card.  What if the couple has registered at a company, such as Amazon, which sends the gift in a cardboard box or their stock "gift bag?”

If you decide to order from a store or an online source that does not offer a wrapping service, opt to have the gift sent to you first.  You can then wrap it appropriately and mail it yourself to the bride, along with your handwritten note.  It is indeed a little more effort, but the bride will adore this added conscientiousness.  Who doesn’t love to open a pretty present and savor a handwritten note?  Chances are, the bride may keep your note forever.   

Why send your wedding gift in advance of the actual wedding date?

Ask any bride!  Sending a wedding gift to the bride within 48 hours of receiving a wedding invitation is a thoughtful and considerate gesture. Why? The bride will not only cherish receiving her first wedding gifts because they are commemorating the joy of her upcoming wedding, but it also grants her plenty of time to write a thank you and avert the busy “crunch time” before the actual wedding date.  The day you receive the invitation, you will have the mailing address, date, etc., at your fingertips, making it easy to place the order straight away!  And, for those of you who are married, I bet you remember the very first gift you received, right?  From my experience, the first presents that arrived were the ones that I can still remember who they came from vividly.  My very first wedding gift, which was the prettiest floral porcelain platter from Tiffany & Co., came from my Aunt and Uncle who are no longer living, so I rejoice in their memory every time I use it.

Where is the best place to send the wedding gift?

Traditionally, the wedding gift is sent to the return address (usually the bride’s parents’) on the wedding invitation.  But, these days, it is thoughtful to reach out to the bride or her parents to see which address is most convenient to send the wedding gift. Today, many brides are living and working away from home, or living with their fiance.  The bride may appreciate having the gifts sent directly to her address so that she does not have to arrange to have the gifts forwarded on to her.

Do I address a card to the bride and groom?

A gift card is essential and traditionally, it is addressed to the bride, with her maiden name spelled out the way it is presented on the invitation, with Miss or Ms., unless she has another title.  The salutation is to the bride, but remember to include the groom's name within the body of the note, along with your good wishes and love.  Be sure the gift card is firmly attached to the present or placed inside the gift box. The card can easily be separated and lost, which can be a nightmare for the bride to figure out whom the gift came from! 

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-No: To mention a wedding gift registry on a wedding invitation or on a bridal shower invitation. 

What is done: Guests may reach out to the bride, the mother-of-the-bride, or the hostess who is hosting the shower, to ask where the bridal couple is registered.

No-No: To bring a wedding gift to the reception or church.  It creates a logistical challenge for the couple, wedding planner, or bridal party, to resolve where and how to transport the presents after the reception.  

What is done:  Send your gift early and have it be remembered! 

NOTE: In some parts of Europe, wedding gifts are indeed brought to the wedding. So, ask beforehand what the tradition is, so you know what is appropriate.

Stuart, our son, and his new bride, Karen, in Palm Beach as they were leaving their magical Everglades Club reception. The wedding guests were sparkling! Their wedding inspired me to write my Pearls of Palm Beach book.

Xx 

Holly

My Interview With Barbara McLaughlin

Barbara McLaughlin, by the summer begonias, is President of the Park Avenue Fund, which provides the colorful displays of flowers along Park Avenue! Photo Credit: Daphne Youree Photography

What clothing store can you expect to find on just about every charming Main Street in over 140 towns across America? J. McLaughlin! It was founded in 1977 by Kevin and Jay McLaughlin and excels at offering classic clothes with current relevance.

When I walk my Jack Russell, Miss Zsa Zsa in Palm Beach, I enjoy passing by their Worth Avenue store. One morning, as I was admiring the cheerful clothes in the window, I was inspired to learn more about Barbara McLaughlin, the wife of CEO Kevin. I thought you would too. As the saying goes, "Behind every successful man is a great woman!"

Barbara and Kevin at their NYC house, taken by Francesco Lagnese for Frederic magazine.

When you married Kevin, did you know you would be in the fashion business? 

I did not, but I knew of J. McLaughlin in Minnesota because I worked in a similar store. The owner used to talk about J.McLaughlin a lot!  I moved to NYC, and my first job was at Christie’s East.  I started shopping in the J. McLaughlin store on Third Avenue, and that is where I met Kevin!  After working at Christie’s for thirteen years, I became the Executive Director of The Society of Memorial Sloan- Kettering Cancer Center.  (See, I knew she was an accomplished woman!)  

What part do you play with input for the designs and seasonal color themes? 

I am partial to anything with a lemon on it.  My love of lemons may influence the designs a tiny bit! No official design input, but I often describe myself as an “end-user,” and my closet is filled with J.McLaughlin  items to prove it!  Kevin says that my daughter and I are his “muses.”  I love colorful prints and simple monochromatic looks.  J.McLaughlin has them both in spades.  My “go-to” look for work is a sleeveless sweater under a “vintage” JMcL blazer and a pair of jeans. 

Barbara has a fondness for lemons in her wardrobe ( top from J.McLaughlin ) and also grows Meyer lemons to make her own marmalade! This was taken at Citrovia in NYC.

I admire your dedication to The Fund for Park Avenue, which plants trees and flowers in the medians (the islands in the center of Park Ave) between 54th & 86th Streets!  As the President, what is your biggest challenge?

 The Fund for Park Avenue was created in 1980, and more than three million tulip bulbs have been planted, more than one million begonias and almost 600 trees. The Fund is one of the city’s first public-private partnerships.  Our mission is to plant, light and maintain the trees and flowers on Park Avenue.  All of the work we do is made possible by the contributions we receive from the community.  In addition, The Fund manages (and fundraises for) the Avenue’s seasonal plantings and the annual Park Avenue Tree Lighting.  Initially, there were two seasonal plantings – spring tulips and summer begonias. In 2016, we added chrysanthemums in the fall. 

Barbara photographed with Michael Scully at a “Tulip Party” he hosts each year in his iconicScully and Scully store, to celebrate the blooming of the Park Avenue tulips. Photo Credit: Annie Watt

The Park Avenue Fund is a treasure to behold on Park Avenue.  Tell me more! 

While the plants don’t change, the colors of the tulips and begonias do each year.  When possible, I like to link the color of the tulips to an important anniversary or event in the city.  For example, in 2009, the tulips all over the city were orange to commemorate the 200th anniversary of Henry Hudson’s arrival in New York Harbor.  In 2020, to celebrate The Fund’s 40th anniversary, we had a mixture of ruby red tulips. To New Yorkers, the blooming of the Park Avenue tulips is the signal that spring has arrived! 

 Where do the tulip bulbs come from?

Since the 1950s, the tulips have come from Holland and are ordered by Van de Wetering Greenhouses on Long Island.  

What happens to the tulip bulbs after they blossom?

Afterward, tulip lovers are granted access to harvest the bulbs for future replanting in personal and community gardens in and around New York City. What was once a little-known tradition, “The Park Avenue Tulip Dig,” has become quite popular.  Last year, nearly all 60,000 bulbs were removed by the intrepid “diggers!”  We love it when people send us photos of the Park Avenue tulips blooming in their new home. We even have a video of the entire process made by two “veteran” diggers on our website. 

And, what about the Christmas decorations? 

Preparations for the “Park Avenue Tree Lighting” begin in the fall, as soon as the tulip bulbs are planted!  Over 100 fir trees are installed between 54th and 97th Streets.  The Tree Lighting is one of the highlights of the city’s annual holiday display. The trees were first lit in 1945 by a group of Park Avenue families who wished to honor the memories of loved ones lost in World War II.  Today, the illuminated trees honor all who have lost their lives in our nation’s wars.  This meaningful tradition is also made possible by contributions from the community.  

What aspect of The Fund for Park Avenue would you like others to know about?

The Fund for Park Avenue is privately funded! We rely solely on annual contributions from the Park Avenue buildings, individual donors, residents, foundations, and corporations.  While most of our donors live around Park Avenue, people all over the country contribute to The Fund.  In addition to the plantings, the contributions cover all the maintenance required: mowing, weeding, tree care, watering, and trash removal. 

Kevin and Barbara are committed to their philanthropic endeavors, and with a home in Boca Grande, they are proud of J.McL support of The Everglades Foundation.  So, the next time you enter a J. McLaughlin store in a charming neighborhood, spy a lemon-motif outfit, or marvel at the flowers on Park Avenue, you’ll know a wee bit more about the impressive woman behind her husband’s J.McLaughlin brand!

XX,
Holly

Wedding Guests: No-No’s To Know! Part II

Source: Town & Country Magazine

How charming it was to receive such lovely remarks from many of you about the no-no’s to know as a wedding guest. Here are a few more that I thought you may want to add to the list! 

No-No: To not promptly reply to the wedding reception invitation.

What is done:  Responses to any invitation should ultimately be made within 48 hours of receiving it. Mail your reply card as soon as possible! 

Numerous Mothers-of-the-Brides have shared with me how disconcerting it is to have to reach out two weeks in advance of the wedding to guests (who should know better), to find out if they will be attending the reception. 

No-No: To ask to bring a guest (someone other than who is indicated on the invitation envelope) to the reception with you. 

What is done: Honor and respect who is indicated on the envelope of an invitation.  If your children were not mentioned, then they are not invited. 

No-No: To change your place card seating at the table.

What is done:  No matter how tempting it is to change your seating to be close to friends or whomever, you have specifically been placed where you are for a reason! So, honor the seating arrangement (for any party) and stay in your assigned seat. Once the meal is over, you can excuse yourself to the dance floor, and mingle with others. 

Feel the joy! Our daughter, Alexandra, entered the Berlin Dom with her father who walked her down the cathedral aisle.

In closing, here are a few customs worthy of your consideration as a wedding guest:

To stand or not to stand: A dear subscriber offered a very thoughtful and valid point about the custom of standing for the bride, which is a lovely show of respect and admiration as she enters the church aisle. This custom continues to be prevalent, especially in the South, and is worthy of your attention

“Unlike the immediate, respectful standing for the entering family of the deceased at a funeral, I was taught at a wedding to keep my eye on the mother-of-the-bride. If and when she stands, the guests are to stand. But if she stays seated and turns slightly in her seat to view her husband escorting her daughter down the aisle, guests are to do the same.” 

Clapping:  Have you noticed that it has now become customary for the guests in a church to clap when the officiant pronounces the married couple as “man and wife?”  Old-school, traditional protocol does not condone clapping in a church, at a religious service, because it is not a performance or entertainment. But, if the guests are partaking in enthusiastic clapping for the couple, then it becomes your personal choice whether to clap or not!  It’s easy to feel like a stick in the mud for not clapping.  Even though I endorse the respectful tradition of not clapping in church, I definitely delight in displaying a very happy smile during such a joyous, celebratory moment!

XX,
Holly

Wedding Guests: 5 No-No’s To Know!

Alexandra, our daughter, was married to Maximilian in the Berlin Cathedral (Berlin Dom), which is the largest Protestant Cathedral in Germany. The service was performed by our Farmington minister in English and the minister of the Dom in German. It was a magical day as we celebrated with family and guests from all over the world.

It’s “wedding season,” and after the Covid hiatus, there are joyful wedding receptions galore!  A recent bride spoke to me about a wedding guest, and how she wished a few of her younger guests knew the no-no’s to know!  So, here we go!  Pass it on…. 

No-no: To arrive at the church at the stated time on the invitation for the ceremony.

What is done:  Plan to arrive up to 20 minutes before the appointed time on the invitation, or earlier if you know the church will be overflowing with guests. Stand up when the bride enters the aisle of the church.

No-no: To wear sunglasses for the ceremony, and also at the reception.

What is done:  Sunglasses are removed before entering the church.  Even if the reception is outside, try to refrain from wearing sunglasses, because when the wedding couple fondly look back at the photographs of their wedding day, they want to see the faces of their guests, not sunglassed-movie stars!  

No-no: To have your cell phone on or chew gum.

What is done:  Turn your cell phone OFF.  If it is on vibrate, that can make noise too.  And, leave the gum in the car!

No-no: For guests to wear white dresses.

What is done:  As popular as it is to wear white these days, remember, it is the bride’s day to shine and stand out in the crowd of guests.  And, when in doubt about the dress code for the wedding, reach out to the bride, groom, or the bride’s mother to confirm what is expected.  It is also considerate to ask what color the bridesmaids are wearing so that you can try not to duplicate that color either. 

No-no:  To say “congratulations” to the bride. 

What is done: The word “congratulations” to a bride, historically, implies that the bride won the groom, when in fact, the groom should be congratulated for having the bride accept his proposal.  And, yes, this is an old-school rule tradition, but I thought it worthy of your attention. “Congratulations” are in order for the groom, and “best wishes” to the bride and to the newlywed couple.   

Our daughter Caroline, and her new husband Edward, merrily departed their reception at Marble House in Newport, Rhode Island, with guests cheering them on!

While it may be tempting to photograph the ceremony, leave that up to the hired, professional photographer. Your respectful attention is what is revered and expected in the church. If you wish to photograph outside of the church or at the reception, be thoughtful about it. Tempted to post your photographs on social media? It is considerate to ask the bride for her permission first before sharing your images, as she has invited you as a guest, not as a paparazzi!

My family shared a cherished and sentimental moment that was captured by our photographer in the Dom after our eldest child was married.

Exhibiting respect as an invited guest is a gesture that will be treasured by the bride and groom on their wedding day.  Weddings are such a joyful, celebratory time for the newlyweds and their guests.  We can all use a dose of love and joy! 

XX,
Holly

4th of July: Fly your flag!

Our historic town of Farmington, settled in 1640, aka “Charmington, ” displays American flags on every other pole along Main Street. Many of the houses in this historic village also display a flag. This patriotic presentation, from May until September, is a constant reminder of our freedom.

Ever since 1776, on the Fourth of July, a “star-spangled day” in America has been in order, and now more than ever with what is going on in the world. Red, white and blue, along with sparklers, fireworks, and strawberry pie are traditions enjoyed on Independence Day. I feel the need to celebrate America with extra vigor this Fourth of July. Do you agree? Perhaps, we will all make the effort to proudly display an American flag to honor our great country!

The protocol of hanging a flag:
-When a flag is projecting out from a building on a pole, the Union (the blue background with 50 stars to commemorate our states), should be at the top, and in front of the pole. You already know this!
-What if you are hanging the American flag vertically on a wall, where does the Union go? It is placed at the top and should be to the observer’s left!

Protocol for a flag displayed on a flagpole at night:
-A flag should be lit up if it is displayed outside at night. (I confess, the floodlight for our flag, which hangs over the front door at Fox Hall, is on a timer. It turns off at midnight… shhh, don’t tell!)

Protocol for when a flag is being hoisted up a flagpole:
-Spectators not in military uniform should face the flag and place their right hand over their hearts.
-If a gentleman is wearing a hat, it is removed and held in his hand over his heart.
-Military spectators in uniform should render the military salute.
-Members of the armed forces and veterans who are present, but not in uniform, may give the military salute.

Have you ever had the opportunity to experience the lowering of the flag on a military base or at Arlington National cemetery while a lone bugler plays Taps? It is a moving, patriotic experience.

I have fond memories of standing on the long sweeping lawn of the New York Yacht Club overlooking the harbor in Newport, RI during cocktail hour. At dusk, suddenly, there is a respectful quiet that dictates patriotism and nationalism as the flag is being retired for the evening. A bugler plays Taps, which is the national “Song of Remembrance,” a tribute to those who have died for our country.
Credit: Instagram/nauticareport

Happy 4th of July to you and God bless America!

XX,
Holly

Grandchildren: A secret to encourage table manners!

Prince Louis having “a four-year-old moment,” standing next to his great grandmum, Queen Elizabeth II, during the flyover at the Platinum Jubilee weekend… children will be children! Photo source: evokedotie

While on our trip to Israel, I had the delight of meeting a charming new friend, Marilee. She is from the South. We were discussing the topic of a “well-brought-up” child. 

It’s summer… and school is out!  So, if you have grandchildren coming to visit, (or even if you and your children are going to be houseguests), here is an idea that Marilee shared with me on how to encourage good table manners.  When her children were young she used a point system. But fast forward, while visiting Universal Studios with her grandsons, aged 8 and 11, she tried a new technique to encourage table manners just for fun. Instead of points, she offered to pay them $1.00 per day per item that is not violated on her Manners List!  

The Manners List:

1. Napkin placed on the lap

2. No elbows on the table

3. Don’t talk with your mouth full

4. No snake jaws, aka mouth open too wide for a large bite

5. Sit up, no face leaning toward the plate

6. Polite to waitstaff

7. Stand up for a lady and no hats at the table 

8. No knees in chair/legs down

9. Chew with mouth closed 

10. No bathroom talk

The above list, and the amount of points (or money), can be modified for any family. Yes, this can be interpreted as a reward, or as a bribe; you decide. But this agreement worked wonders for her grandson's table manners - they loved it! You may be aghast at this notion, payment for good behavior with a point system, but remember, it is just an idea/suggestion! 

While I cannot recall being paid for good table manners as a child, this little enticement technique from a grandparent would have appealed to me too! It’s a clever way to encourage good table manners and… it may make life at the dinner table more pleasurable. 

Marilee shared that her grandsons have enjoyed the challenge. When they earn enough points, depending on their behavior, they then find clever ways to negotiate their points! 

And one other option, which my husband thought was amusing, is if the children catch the adults doing something wrong on The Manners List- extra points for them! Remember, everyone should work toward maintaining lovely dining etiquette, right?!

The little girl in Kay Thompson's fabulous book, Eloise, lives at The Plaza Hotel in NYC. She is a precocious, six-year-old and a handful for Nanny. “Anyone knows you have to eat your oatmeal or you will dry up!” Hummm, I’m doubtful that “The Manner List” would work for Eloise!

XX,
Holly
PS
Dear Ones,

Please know that each time I sit down to write to you, I am in a bit of a quandary. How do I share the nuances of gracious living, while in my heart, I am praying for those who are struggling, and enduring an unthinkably cruel war? My topics are meant to bring a sliver of joy and beauty and embrace an inviting place of gentleness and charm, even if for just a moment.  I am sensitive to the unrest in the world and strive to share a nod to kindness and timeless grace. I hope you understand that the topics I choose, which may appear frivolous in comparison to the world of unrest, are only meant to perpetuate kind behavior and offer a glimpse into the world of understated elegance.  I am extremely grateful to you for subscribing and for your support. I never want to offend anyone. 

xoxo

Drape Tables: An elegant addition to any room!

A skirted table, with an additional damask overlay, sits brilliantly in the Long Library at Blenheim Palace, in Woodstock, England.

A bride, a client, and a relative recently asked me what a “drape table” was. So, I decided to revisit the topic again!

One can soften any room with a “skirted table,” also referred to in England as a “drape table.” Drape tables have graced pretty interiors… forever! Placed in a living room, library, bedroom, foyer, or even a powder room, they are tantamount to a graceful lady who adds just the right touch of glamour to any room. These bespoke skirted tables can resemble an elegant ball gown, depending on the formality of the room and the fabric and trim chosen. Typically, a drape table is round, but it can also be square or rectangle.

Drape tables get their smart looks from their fine fabric and trims, rather than exceptional wood and inlays. In a room filled with elegant “bare legs” on the tables, chairs, and chests, the addition of a round table with a well-appointed table skirt tickling the floor, will serve to soften the room aesthetically. The fabric and trim chosen to adorn a drape table will dictate its formality, and/or enable it to cross over effortlessly to present-day modern interiors and resort houses.

A drape table can serve to absorb sound too, especially when it has an under-liner, like a petticoat/slip that’s made of heavy white flannel, which is called “bump” in England. I always specify that a drape table has a flannel underlining because it serves to pad the edges of the tabletop, so that the decorative overlay fabric will fall gracefully over the edge. By having flannel underneath, it will give the decorative fabric on top undulating folds as it falls to the ground.

This stunning silk skirted table features an elegant ruffled edging, by Becky Nielsen Interiors. It would not technically be referred to as a “drape table,” because it has chairs around it. But without the chairs, it would visually translate as a rather large, and well-appointed, drape table! Image source: LAUREY W. GLENN; STYLING: BUFFY HARGETT MILLER

A skirted table can either drape over the edge of the table like a tablecloth or have a pleated or a gathered skirt. Edging options for the bottom edge of the skirt are endless, from a traditional bouillon edging (handsome for a library or a formal living room) to a ruffled or pleated fabric edge (a feminine touch for a bedroom or powder room), a brushed fringe, a ribbon trim, or an inset border fabric.  

Grandmillenial Tip:

The table itself can be inexpensive! Some prefabricated table options can be purchased online, yet do not assume that these tables are a less expensive alternative to an antique table. By the time you purchase the exquisite fabric, trim, flannel liner, glass top, and the seamstress’s labor, it may end up costing more than an antique table!

The handsome table skirt was designed by Sarah Bartholomew.

Skirted tables are also quite versatile because they can serve as a room divider in the center of a large room, as the centerpiece in a hallway featuring a grand floral arrangement, or as a bar for drinks at a party!

A skirted table, when placed below a low-hanging light fixture, can protect one from accidentally bumping into the light fixture. This skirted table features pleats with a trim application, designed by Ware M. Porter and Co.

Forbidden Faux Pas:

No-no: To refer to a “dressing table” as a drape table.  Yes, indeed, it is skirted, but it is referred to as a dressing table. The kidney shape dictates that it is such!

A pretty pink dressing table in the house of Alice Naylor-Leyland.

XX,

Holly

P.S. Please be a dear…share this with a friend and inspire them to subscribe!

The Charlotte Inn: My favorite Martha’s Vineyard destination!

Visiting the Charlotte Inn any time of year is a delight. Karen, my daughter-in-law, and I were guests in the fall which is a glorious season to visit Martha’s Vineyard.

What a pleasure it was to receive a phone call from my dear friend, Gerret Conover. He, and his wife Paula, are the owners of the Charlotte Inn, a Relais and Châteaux property and THE most charming Inn on Martha’s Vineyard. It is an internationally acclaimed destination!

In the evening, the stellar collection of notable artwork throughout the Inn is enhanced by picture lights which create a captivating atmosphere.

Gerret and Paula have created a truly enchanting English country paradise, from guest rooms filled with stunning antiques, to walls adorned with museum-quality artwork (oh, I LOVE their British sporting art), to timeless decorative accessories and an abundance of polished silver accessories.

This was my spacious guest bathroom which was elegantly appointed.

My husband Stuart and I have adored staying at this Inn and have savored the genuinely gracious hospitality.  I always feel as if I have been transported to the most lovely slice of English paradise… but the best part?  It is here in America, so no jet lag!  The Charlotte Inn has been listed in the book, 1000 Places to Visit Before You Die, and rightfully so!

It was a delight to catch up with Gerret!  I inquired about the glorious gardens, and he shared with me that they are more spectacular this year than ever!  And, a new guest house has been created. 

The piano behind me in this guest bedroom has been played by Carly Simon, among other notable guests.

For all of you gardeners and classic interior design enthusiasts, I was inspired to share this little video my daughter-in-law, Karen, and I created at the Charlotte Inn a few years ago. It brought back sweet memories for me. My recommendation to sojourn to the Charlotte Inn is heartfelt, and not an advertisement! Click the image below to view the video on my YouTube page.

If you visit, please say hello to the darling Conovers and their two adorable golden retrievers for me!
XX,

Holly

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Elegant “one-bite” hors d’oeuvres!

The edible flowers on these tiny, bite-sized nibbles were the perfect touch for a ladies' “April showers bring May flowers!” luncheon I hosted at Fox Hall.

A darling Southern friend recently posed the question, “What do you do when you are presented with a passed hors d’oeuvre that appears to be HUGE?”  My response to this dilemma is: “pass” on anything that is larger than one bite! 

From my experience, anything that is passed which is larger than “one bite” has the propensity to either crumble when you bite into it or drip down the front of your outfit!  And, if you choose to pop the entire oversized “nibble” into your mouth, well instantly you look (and feel) like a chipmunk!  Once a large piece is in your mouth, there is no backing out!

Party time is “pretty time” anytime! Place a little Herend figurine on your serving tray! My petite mouse adds a touch of whimsy to my one-bite “cheese crispies!” My tried and true recipe is exceptionally easy and can store for weeks in an airtight container in the refrigerator for those surprise drop-in guests.

Once I had a rather traumatic party experience, which has served to instill the “one-bite” nibble rule for me!  I was notably pregnant at the time. Donning my only emerald green silk maternity cocktail dress, I  gracefully took a bite of a rather large triangle of warm filo pastry which was served to me at a lovely Christmas cocktail party. It was a two-biter.  Big mistake.  Butter squirted down the entire front of my silk dress. There was no hope, even when I attempted to douse it with water in the powder room in desperation.  Why?  As I learned that evening, butter on silk does not disappear… but I soon did! 

It is so lovely to host parties again, and summertime is a perfect time to entertain!  You do not want your guests to endure any “awkward” moments!  One-bite hors d’oeuvres contribute splendidly to setting the tone of an elegant cocktail party.  If you have attended a dignified, albeit chic, party in New York City, Paris, or Palm Beach for example, most likely, you have appreciated the delicately prepared, exquisitely presented hors d’oeuvres which are usually no larger than a dime, or a quarter at most!  They look divine, taste divine, and are superbly little pop-in-the-mouth treasures!  One can easily manage and savor an ethereal petite nibble. 

Grandmillennial Tips:

If you choose to decorate your serving platters, use a little bit of poster board clay to keep your ornament or figurine in place as the platter is being passed. 

Just the thought of “bruschetta,” is a recipe for disaster as they are seldomly prepared for just one bite.  

Forbidden Faux Pas:

No-no: To take more than one hors d’oeuvre at a time when presented to you, no matter how petite and delectable they are!  

What is done: Wait for them to be passed to you again. Then, you have another opportunity to take one!
XX,

Holly

P.S. Please be a dear…share this with a friend and inspire them to subscribe!

Silk scarves: The perfect travel accessory!

Going to Paris? Just pack black ensembles and enhance them with brightly colored silk scarves!

When I recently traveled on a CEO.Org tour to Jerusalem, Bethlehem, and the Galilee Sea, my wardrobe needed to adapt to various temperatures, venues, and dress codes. What is my magic “travel wardrobe” accessory? A collection of silk scarves, in a medley of sizes and colors!

Shoe shopping in Paris, oh la la! ! My daughter Alexandra had a pink scarf tied around her waist like a belt, adding color to her outfit. My darling granddaughter tried on her Mummy’s heels, avec a pink scarf around her neck… start them young!

Scarves can transform an outfit and be worn more than once for a varied chic appearance. From casual to dressy, a silk scarf can provide just the right touch, with minimal effort! Scarves can be worn in a myriad of ways, either around one’s neck, as a wrap (90” x 90” size) for warmth, or to cover one’s arms while visiting a church. They add pizazz to a purse when tied around the handle.

A colorful scarf will enhance a monotone ensemble, can be used as a decorative belt, and can embellish a hat, as shown above.

A scarf can be used to cover one’s hair from the wind, aka Jackie Kennedy and Karen's chic style!

Grandmillennial Tips:

Because silk scarves can be rawwther expensive, I place my scarves in my carry-on luggage, so if my checked luggage gets lost or is delayed, I can always add a scarf from my carry-on bag to enhance any plain, black, or pink outfit. 

To keep my pressed scarves from wrinkling in a suitcase, I fold them in a square and slip them into a gallon-sized zip-lock bag.  It works like a charm!  

A selection of scarves requires a minimal amount of space in a suitcase. A few scarves can readily transform one outfit into a multitude of outfits. 

The colorful designs on scarves adds a lovely dimension to the simplest black or monotone sheath dress, slacks, blouse or sweater. My daughter Caroline, with a pretty scarf on, cheered me on when I gave a speech to introduce my television show to the American Public Television convention in Salt Lake City.

I hope to inspire you to pack and incorporate scarves for your next trip so that you can vary your wardrobe too if you don’t already!

My daughter-in-law, Karen Holden, and I show you several methods to tie and wear Hermes silk scarves in this video (click here or above on the play button). 

XX,

Holly

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Wall brackets: Perfect for well-appointed walls!

In the living room at Fox Hall there is a pair of antique Italianate gilded wall brackets on either side of an oil painting discovered at a gallery in Prague. To this day, it is one of our children’s favorite paintings! The antique Chinese porcelain jars, purchased in Hong Kong in the 1960’s, were given to me by my parents. The delicate wall brackets serve to complement the graceful curves of the porcelain.

A pair of lovely wall brackets will enhance any wall! 

Wall brackets support three-dimensional artwork such as porcelain vases, sculptures, clocks, and even candlestick holders. They have graced interiors in Europe for centuries. Wall brackets are my go-to decorative element for embellishing a room.

The collection of Canton porcelain is flanking the 8' long portrait of my English grandfather. Due to the circumference of the porcelain, they required rather large wall brackets.

Wall brackets give dimension to a wall. I recommend always purchasing them in pairs for symmetry. They come in all sizes, shapes, and forms: gilded wood, stone, plaster, acrylic, and other media forms.

This pair is based on an 18th-century design, They are hand-carved with antique gold gilt. Scully and Scully offer some lovely options.

Wall brackets should complement the object they hold, as well as the room! They are discussed in detail in my book, The Pretty & Proper Living Room.

My husband and I purchased a set of four gilded brackets from the Mario Buatta sale at Sotheby’s in NYC and they now happily grace our Palm Beach living room.

Grandmillennial Tips:

When you discover a pretty pair of wall brackets, buy them! 

If you have a piece of porcelain, such as a vase or a Chinese ginger jar, and wish to display it on a wall bracket, remember to measure the widest point of the porcelain piece, and the depth of the wall bracket shelf. The widest point on the porcelain may require a larger shelf surface on the wall bracket, to accommodate the depth of the vase.

In a house with slamming doors and overzealous housekeepers, remember to stick a small piece of museum putty or posterboard clay under the porcelain pieces displayed on wall brackets. This helps to keep the pieces in place. 

There are endless options to place on wall brackets. Look around your house for a pair of something pretty, and ponder… are they "wall bracket-worthy?!"

Forbidden Faux Pas:

No-no: To hang a pair of wall brackets too high when placed on either side of a piece of artwork. 

What is done: Try to center the entire composition of both the wall bracket and the item that is placed upon it, on the overall length of the artwork or mirror. If anything, the composition can be hung a scant lower than the true center of the artwork. 

XX,

Holly

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Bridal pictures: how to display them!

The Smoking Room at Highclere Castle features a console table behind the sofa which is sprinkled with stunning bridal pictures of various relatives. Photo Credit: Chris McLaughlin on Pinterest

A lovely tradition that I have witnessed in classically designed houses is a table devoted to bridal photographs, as an homage to various brides within the family tree. Traditionally, the assembled portraits would only feature the bride in a formal pose. But, in present-day tradition, pictures of the bride and groom, whether in black & white or color, are often included on the same table with the other family brides.

I have always been enamored with the Duchess’s butter-yellow sitting room in the Private Apartments at Blenheim Palace in Woodstock, England. While filming my television programthere, I admired the magnificent bridal photograph of Lady Henrietta Spencer-Churchill. It was presented on the table behind me with the lamp, along with her other relatives as brides.

The elegant examples of formal bridal portrait photographs which I observed in English country houses and palaces are traditionally in black & white, or in a sepia tone. Occasionally, a few photographs in color are added in the line-up too. Bridal photographs are traditionally grouped together and displayed in the living room on a side table, on a grand piano, or behind a sofa. They can also be placed in other rooms. 

Obviously, the formality of the house, and the photograph itself, dictate the style of the picture frame, which can be ornate or a plain, modern design.  The most traditional bridal picture frame is sterling silver or silver-plated. A French enamel frame is another stunning choice. Italian fine leather with gold embellishments or antique gilded frames are also appropriate for a bridal portrait.

What an enchanting experience to tour the ravishing Rienzi House at the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston, Texas with Carroll Goodman, the granddaughter of the owners who built it. I was captivated by the wedding memories that she shared with me. Carroll wore her mother’s wedding gown, a charming tradition that continues to carry on through other brides in her family line. The antique console table in the living room features several bridal portraits, including Carroll! (The little boy is Carroll’s Uncle Bert Winston.)

In my book, The Pretty and Proper Living Room, I discuss how and where to engrave a silver picture frame.  If the wedding photograph is just of the bride, then a monogram with her new married name initials is in order. If it is of the husband and wife, then their joint initial monogram is appropriate. The other option is the wedding date!

XX,

Holly

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Bridal veils! How long should a bride wear her veil?

Our daughter, Caroline, was married at Marble House in Newport, Rhode Island. This vision of her with her father makes my heart flutter! Her white orchid bouquet complemented the flowers on her wedding dress, along with the few additional flowers that the designer had sewn onto the veil, per the request of my daughter.

With June approaching, weddings are in the air!  Do you know why June is traditionally the most popular month to marry? June is derived from Juno, the goddess of marriage, and the protector of women. A wedding in June is considered auspicious, so the couple will be blessed with happiness forever!   

Brides traditionally wear white and a veil. The tradition of the wedding veil is thought to have begun during the Roman Empire. Back then, the bride was considered an object of desire for evil spirits, so the veil, or blusher veil,  served to protect her until she reached the altar. Then, the groom lifted it to expose her face to him first.  The custom of a bride wearing white began in 1840 when Queen Victoria wore a white wedding gown and veil. White continues to relay the purity associated with brides, and the veil adds to this aura. 

I was honored to be the guest speaker in Houston, Texas, at the River Oaks Garden Club, where I was spoiled royally by the most gracious ladies! While at the Houston Country Club for lunch with my two hosts, Carroll Goodman and Risse Knight, I heard a sweet story about Risse’s daughter’s wedding in the oval ballroom there. She had a few requests of her darling daughter: to wear a blusher veil (which covers the bride’s face until presented to the groom) and to keep her bridal veil on for the first dance and for the cake cutting ceremony.  Why? She said, “Some of the important highlights and memories are captured during the reception moments and the photographs would not have been the same if she took the veil off… she needed to be in full bridal gear!”  Love those Southern gals!  

Risse’s beautiful daughter, Mary Alex, is seen here cutting the cake with her new husband, Carter. What a stunning vision all around! Her veil was a circular cathedral veil with a wide Chantilly lace border.

I had never thought about taking my veil off as a young bride. My veil simply stayed on until I changed into my get-away outfit, ready to depart the reception and begin my new married life with my husband, Stuart. After the ceremonial toss of my wedding bouquet to my bridesmaids on the brick terrace, we boarded the Bell helicopter which twirled onto the putting green at the Country Club of Virginia, ready to whisk us away. With the main rotor spinning, how glad I was that my veil had been removed!

Our daughter, Alexandra, was married to Maximilian in the monumental Berlin Dom, Germany. She wore a cathedral-length Brussels lace veil and carried pale pink peonies in her bouquet. Her veil remained on during the first reception after the wedding ceremony but was removed for the ball, which was held later that evening.

Today's brides tend to remove their veils after the photographs have been taken at the church. Either way is correct. What do you think is best? I really never gave this much thought until now. I tend to agree with Risse. Seeing a blusher veil on a bride walking down the aisle is magically romantic. And when a veil remains on the bride during the reception, it adds to the sense of tradition and grace of the celebratory occasion. So, if you are a mother-of-the-bride or a bride-to-be, you too can contemplate the pros and cons of how long to wear a wedding veil… and think twice before stripping it off too fast!

I cannot imagine Mummy taking her veil off during the wedding reception because back then, it was just not done!

XX,

Holly

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Common Courtesies: Entering a Doorway!

How elated I was to attend my “big number” reunion at St. Catherine’s School, an Episcopal girl’s private school in Richmond, Virginia, which started in 1890… and no, I’m not THAT old!

How grateful I am to my parents for the opportunity to attend a school that embraces gracious traditions and gave me lifelong friends and comradery.  Seeing my dear classmates felt as if no time had passed!

At the reunion, many commented about my newsletter and how they share it with their children and grandchildren… the ultimate compliment!  My darling classmate, Caroline, suggested the topic of  “common courtesies” as a refresher to adults and as a reminder to our children. In particular, the polite courtesy of how to go in and out of doorways! 

“All doors open to courtesy.” – Thomas Fuller

Proper protocol suggests that the person coming out of the door has the right of way, and the person outside of the door, politely waits to the side, and if possible, offers to hold the door open while the other person departs the building. 

A gracious welcome commences at the front door! My husband cleverly plants seasonal flowers in the urns by the front door at Fox Hall.

While in Williamsburg, Virginia, I walked to The Cheese Shop for their yummy Virginia peanuts. A 10-year-old boy came out of the door, saw me waiting outside, and let the door slam shut in front of me. I surmise that he didn't know better. Not a big deal, but then again it is, because unless you teach your children common courtesies, they will never know. Like all manners, they are taught.  Manners are not innate behaviors.  (Parents, don’t you wish they were?!)

“Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.”- C. Thomas

And, elevator doors? How many times have you had to say, “excuse me” to people eager to board the elevator but block the door outside as you attempt to exit the elevator?  Those waiting for the elevator should kindly stand to the side, not in front of it. This is an important courtesy to teach children. And subway doors, well, good luck with that… that is a whole other dilemma! 

When you push or pull a door open, look behind you to see if someone else is coming, and hold it open for them. 

Even at The Farmington Polo Club, the person leading a horse out of the barn, has the right of way. If there is a horse and rider outside, they move aside until the horse and rider walk out of the barn.

Grandmillennial Tips:

Speaking of doors, when a polite gentleman, who may be ahead of you, stops to hold a door open for you upon entering a building, make a point of thanking him, while also encouraging him to go in front of you if there is a queue, i.e., the post office. In essence, he was there before you, yet kindly stopped to open the door for you. Why should he have to wait behind you to be served, when he was there first? This is a new  “common courtesy” for ladies to extend to gentlemen, especially in this age of equality. Many men hesitate to open a door for a lady these days for fear they will hear unpleasantries from the lady that she is capable of doing it herself! I find the act of opening a door for a lady to be exceptionally thoughtful and am flattered by this courteous and polite gesture. 

When you see a Mum with a baby stroller, dash to open the door for her! As a mother and grandmum, I can relate to the struggle of trying to open a door whilst pushing a stroller through.

“Be an opener of doors.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

XX,

Holly
 

P.S.
HOW TO REMOVE LIPSTICK STAINS FROM NAPKINS: 

A subscriber inquired how to take lipstick stains off of linen napkins. Laura, another dear subscriber, referred to her involvement at Hearst Castle, CA. “Once a year, the Collections Department (fancy term for cleaning & care of everything!) at Hearst Castle had the linen closets emptied, washed and ironed. Some of the cocktail napkins had smears of lipstick.” Her lipstick removal recommendation: “Dawn liquid detergent, which was also used on the "massive" Persian Rugs. If Dawn doesn't remove the stain, Mrs. Stewart's (not Martha) will work too.” 

Cocktail Napkins Add a Touch of Elegance!

Pink-trimmed cocktail napkins are primed to be plucked out of an English silver toast caddy in the living room. Drinks, anyone?!

Mummy always said, “Paper napkins are for picnics, linen napkins are for lovely guests!”  She offered a linen cocktail napkin to her guests when serving drinks at any time of the day. This old-school proper entertaining accessory may seem retro, but they announce "Party!" to me! 

Cocktail napkins can be customized easily with the design of amusing objects to reflect your interests, and they can be embroidered with your family crest, or for formal occasions, with simple white on white embroidery. It is delightful to discover precious new linen designs on my travels, and it’s a joy to collect a myriad of cocktail napkins for various occasions and design schemes. My predominant justification: Party time is “pretty time!”

Occasionally, I receive one of my cocktail napkins sent back with a note from a guest! Gentlemen have a propensity to pop them in their pocket at some point during cocktail hour. I imagine it’s because it feels like a handkerchief, which naturally goes back into the pocket. They are always sheepishly embarrassed to have "lifted" one of my napkins… but to me, it is an endearing compliment!

I estimate about two cocktail napkins per guest: one for drinks and another to pass with hors d’oeuvres. 

Unique designs can be an opportunity to show your personal style, and can also become a conversation piece. Mummy had little ones with roosters embroidered on them. When I inquired "Why roosters, for heaven's sake?" her response was, "Cock-tails, my dear!" That answered that! On my YouTube channel, I show an example of this.

My daughter, Alexandra, surprised me with a set of these adorable napkins which she found at the gift store at The Breakers Hotel, and so perfect for the Hunt Room at Fox Hall.

Can you imagine how thrilled I was to receive these beautifully painted, bespoke cocktail napkins from Lemondaisy Design with my logo on them? Perfect for my pink Palm Beach living room!

Grandmillennial Tips:

Cloth cocktail napkins make splendid hostess gifts. I positively adore receiving them; one can never have too many, right? 

For a large function (a wedding, engagement party, Christening, etc.), consider buying cloth cocktail napkins in bulk.  Cost-wise, it is almost the same as renting, and then, you can then keep them for future parties.

Opt to have some custom embroidered napkins with your initials, or to match a motif in your house.

If you have a cocktail napkin that is “perfectly you,” consider having it framed and hanging it as art near your bar.

In my book, The Pretty and Proper Living Room, on page 103 I discuss cocktail napkins and a simple way to maintain them.

Here is an idea to present to your volunteer clubs! Our Garden Club of Hartford is “going green” by reusing the same cotton cocktail napkins for all of our meetings, versus throwing the paper napkins out.   

Collecting bespoke, playful,  informal, or formal linen cocktail napkins can become a delightful obsession!  They are available at notable linen shops (Lori Jayne, Palm Beach), online, through auctions, and on Etsy.

Forbidden Faux Pas

No-no: To use a linen cocktail napkin as a receptacle for pits, toothpicks, or an unwanted bite. If possible, find a plate or another vessel, or excuse yourself for a moment to dispose of these items properly.

Time to host a party… cheers!

XX,

Holly

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Teeny-tiny flower arrangements- darling & done!

There is something quite charming about little flower bouquets! With spring upon us in New England, the hopeful anticipation of pretty flowers in the garden comes to mind. No matter what size your house is, consider making a few petite flower arrangements by using very small and unique vases. The joy and allure of lilliputian-sized arrangements sprinkled about in your house will bring an unexpected delight when discovered.

These tiny silver riding boot vases are from England. The flowers were picked from my mother-in-law’s bountiful Cape Cod garden.

Simply pluck a few blossoms from your garden or borrow a few from another arrangement, and place them in a diminutive vase to create an instantly charming arrangement… darling and done!

Be creative and think outside the box for small vessels that you own and can use as miniature vases. A clever way to decorate a serving platter of nibbles is to place a silver baby cup, or a glass (above) or porcelain egg cup filled with a few flowers.

A silver baby cup makes the sweetest little vase for flowers! Lilacs from the garden adorn my daughter Caroline’s monogrammed baby cup in the living room at Fox Hall. Placing a small, round, silver tray underneath my arrangements serves to enhance the floral appearance.

Oh! Remember to anchor your little arrangement on a tray of hors d'oeuvres with a tiny ball of “poster-board clay” so that it will not topple or fall off!

Mummy’s silver cigarette holder is garnished with a few flowers and appears to be a miniature champagne bucket!

From platters of delectable nibbles, to bedside tables, coffee tables, and in powder rooms, these are perfect places for cheerful little bouquets. More examples can be found in my book, The Pretty and Proper Living Room, available at Scully & Scully.

XX,

Holly

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A clever way to seat your guests at a large party!

It was a memorable day in May on our verandah at Fox Hall when 50 ladies attended a luncheon in honor of Lady Carnarvon of Highclere Castle (aka Downton Abbey). As the hostess of the event, I chose to sit on one side in the center of the table, with Lady Carnarvon seated across from me. Having your guest of honor seated in the center, it allows them to engage with even more guests than if they are seated at one end. When I stood up to propose a toast, it enabled guests to hear me on my right and left, versus having to shout from one end of the endlessly long table! Photo credit: Deb Key

With Easter upon us, and splendid spring galas approaching and celebratory weddings ahead, I was inspired to discuss two seating options for large gatherings.  

A clever seating arrangement, one I had not heard of before, is “New York seating.”  My precious friend in Arizona, who has always been a terrific cheerleader for my newsletter, recently reached out to share this seating technique with me! In essence, unlike alternating boy-girl seating, New York seating has a guest seated with their spouse on one side of them, and someone of the same gender on the other side. 

For example:

I would have Stuart on one side, and a lady guest whom I may not know, on my other side. Essentially, it is a lady, with her husband on one side, and another lady on her other side… on and on. 

At a wedding, a large gathering, and especially, at a long table, every hostess strives to create a seating plan that will graciously mix people together.  New York seating gives someone from their own gender to talk to on one side, and one’s spouse on the other side. My friend said, with a wink, “It prevents the business tycoon from being stuck between two women who may wish to talk about more feminine topics like children or fashion! And for shy guests, it creates a comfort zone. It doesn’t work with all numbers, but when it does, it is like magic!” 

The table was set for a ladies' luncheon, but the next time I host a dinner for mixed couples, on a similarly long table, I will try the New York seating arrangement!

Another seating example is to have the host and hostess sit across from one another in the center of the table, versus at either end of the table.  This way, they both have the opportunity to engage with more of their guests, either on their right and left, or across the table as well. And, the amusing aspect of this seating arrangement?  It allows the couples to “play footsie” with one another.
XX,

Holly

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Place Cards: A “no-no” for a dinner guest!

On top, are examples of place card holders that I have collected through the years, along with two place settings at elegant dinner parties that I have attended.

We all know how much effort it takes to host a memorable, seated dinner party for our guests!  One aspect that takes time and considerable thought is the seating placement.  A place card (or seating card) tells a guest where they will be seated at the table. Guests tend to appreciate place cards because they serve to confirm that the host cares about creating an atmosphere for delightful and engaging conversation between their guests. They also serve to eliminate that awkward dance of “where should I sit?” out of the equation!  With that in mind, I received this from a darling subscriber:

“I was recently at a beautiful dinner party where the hostess no doubt had made every effort to thoughtfully prepare her seating plan.  I was aghast to see a couple of guests rearranging the place cards to seat themselves in a different location than where the hostess had planned for them.  REALLY??? Have you ever had this happen?  The hostess was quietly gracious but I’m sure she was filing this behavior away for future reference… can you spell, faux pas?!!”

Oh, dear! Changing the placement of a place card is a BIG no-no for a guest!  I have indeed witnessed this at larger functions, i.e., weddings. 

 As a guest, remember that a dinner invitation is a gift to you from the host, and thus, your seating placement is not something to be tossed aside at will. Showing gratitude for being invited, and respect for an appointed seat at the table, is something to be revered… especially if you wish to be invited back!   

If there is not a place card present, the host may direct a guest to their seat, or the guests may choose where they wish to be seated. 

Outside of our family, place cards are on our table for dinner parties, but not necessarily for parties of six or less. Why not for six?  “Six seats itself,” is a saying that my precious English friend shared with me. It translates to three couples who can easily seat themselves to be equally integrated with their seating placement, alternating boy & girl!

Six option 1:  The host and hostess are seated at either end of the table,  while one couple is seated on either side of the table, either together as a couple, or mixed.  

Six option 2: Three guests face one another in the center of a long table. For example, two lady guests with the host in between on one side, and two gentlemen guests with the hostess in between.

Scully & Scully have a charming selection of place card holders and kindly photographed my favorite one. While it would normally be placed above the place setting, it is on top of the handsome snaffle bit plate for a closer look!

Grandmillenial tips:

Place cards need to be legible! I use gold ink, black ink, and even pink ink, go figure!

For a formal dinner, black or gold ink is used, and a title (Ambassador, General, etc.)  may be included with the first and last name. 

For an informal dinner, using just the first name is acceptable.  

A place card may be displayed in a place card holder, or it may also be arranged above the dinner plate, centered on the place setting, or placed above the forks. 

A folded (tented) place card does not require a holder. 

For business functions, a tented card may be larger than a regular place card, and it may have the person's name printed on both sides so that others sitting at the table can also see whom they are addressing at the meeting.

The paper color and design are the same for both the place card, the menu card, and also, the table card (indicating the table number) for larger functions.

At a seated function, especially with more than one table, when a guest does not show up, the entire place setting and chair may be requested to be removed by the serving staff. Then, the other guests can scoot closer together without having an empty gap in the table seating… which is much more conducive to imparting lively conversation!

It has been a delight to collect various place card holders to complement various themes, celebrations, and seasons.  What are some of your favorites? 

XX
Holly

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Photo "No-No's!" Part II

Every time I enter The Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, I am visually captivated by the grand floral arrangement in the front hall. I adore photography and instantly want to capture their ever-evolving enchanting arrangement! It is always thoughtful and polite to ask permission first.

Oh, my gracious!  I received so many enthusiastic, positive responses to my last letter about “photo no-no’s.”  I thought you might enjoy reading a few, which touch on other aspects of privacy in reference to photography: 

• “Oh yes, it is one of those boundaries, alas, which is becoming ever more porous.”

• “I had someone visit once and I never saw him take any photos. A few days later, I saw several photographs of my place on his Instagram page. I felt so violated!”

The comment below is worthy of your consideration for those posting photographs on social media. 

• “Another detail of which I wish people would be mindful of is posting on social media and then, tagging the location! I’m happy for people to take family photos while visiting us at our summer home. They can even use the photographs on their Christmas cards, etc., but please, leave the location of my “empty-for-8-months” vacation home off of social media posts!”

• “I hosted a party at my two-story home and was rather surprised when I discovered that a few guests helped themselves to the upstairs level, which they knew were the private bedrooms. I wonder if they took photographs while upstairs?”

As enticing as a staircase or a “hall to somewhere” is, without an invitation from the host to visit those areas, they should be considered private and off-limits!  Do you agree?  

Another VERY important no-no: never photograph children, whom you don’t know, without asking permission first! This just happened to me at a Palm Beach hotel pool. A female guest seated near the pool started taking several pictures of my adorable little granddaughter who was in the pool. Yes, it is flattering to know someone appreciates how darling your child is, but it is also very disconcerting not knowing who she was, why she was taking pictures of my granddaughter… and how they would be used. 

Our darling daughter and daughter-in-law, in our living room at Fox Hall, have champagne in hand at a private, family celebratory moment. Mind you, I did ask for their permission to use it!

Photo credit : Paola Kaoud

In a previous letter, I wrote about not having a drink in your hand when “posing” for a photo at a party or business function. So, with that in mind, I will conclude with remarks sent to me from a southern subscriber. I adore her sense of humor!

• “Great article! Also, I never want to be photographed with a drink in my hand, unless it is a special celebratory occasion where everyone is offering “cheers” with a beautiful champagne flute. My southern roots will not allow it! It’s just like a woman drinking a beer straight out of a bottle… someone, get me the smelling salts! Just one of my pet peeves, like badly chipped nail polish in public… more smelling salts, please!

My appreciation to you for your thoughtful comments, and also for inspiring me with additional topic ideas!

XX
Holly

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A “photo no-no!”

The quintessential guide to classic interior design, elegant entertaining & a genteel lifestyle.

(formerly Mummy's Monday Manners)

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For our son’s 40th birthday party, we had our favorite bagpiper to commence the evening and over 100 guests came to celebrate! We invited his Rollins College friends to gather by the bagpiper for a photograph together. (Our son, Stuart III, is the fourth gentleman down the steps, and our daughter, Caroline, is at the bottom of the steps!)

Isn’t it divine to be able to visit and party with friends in their homes again after the endlessly long covid hiatus?  So many people have refreshed their interiors, which in turn, serves to enchant newly invited guests. In this world of just about “anything and everything” being captured on cell phone cameras, I wanted to shed light on an important forbidden faux pas for a guest.  It is a BIG no-no to go around someone’s house and photograph different aspects of their interiors. 

Interiors are private. Taking the liberty to snap a few photos while inside someone’s house for your own pleasure, is tantamount to photographing someone nude when no one is looking!  You may capture something pretty, but in a civilized society, it’s not yours to capture.

Consider that one’s interiors are exclusive and should remain privy to the owners.  A photograph becomes a permanent record, one that the owner of the house no longer has control of.  From hidden security cameras, art, and antiques, there are facets of a house that one may wish not to share, or may choose to present in a more appropriate or proper manner.  

Yes, there are indeed occasions when a guest can photograph inside a home.  I have happily witnessed guests capturing memorable videos of the bagpiper we have playing to commence a celebratory party, or apres fireworks on the terrace. Guests may wish to photograph one another too.  And yes, the background of the interiors are in the photograph. The difference is that you are not attempting to solely photograph interior rooms and the details (like a spy) without the consent of the owner. 

But, if you DO wish to photograph something in particular, present your wish with an open-ended question: “Someday, I would love to take a few photographs of this stunning room.”  Being tactful will enable the owner to either ignore or grant the request.

A few years ago, I posed this question to a friend in Palm Beach upon seeing her spectacular “seashell crown-molding” in a study.  Guess what?  She called me two weeks later and said she had just sold her house, and if I wanted to photograph it, I had a week to get down there.  I most certainly did… and that was the beginning of my Pearls of Palm Beach book! 

How divine and appropriate is this bespoke shell crown molding which is in a John Volk designed house in Palm Beach, which I featured as a chapter in my Palm Beach book?

Grandmillennial Tip:

If you take photographs in someone’s house, reassure them that you will not share any of them on social media, or at least not without their prior approval. 

How grateful I am that so many of my cherished friends have allowed me to photograph their stunning, family homes for inclusion into my two interior design books. Their trust alone is beyond pure gold, and means the world to me! 

XX
Holly

P.S. Please be a dear…share this with a friend and inspire them to subscribe! 

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Holly Holden is an interior designer specializing in classic design internationally since 1989. She is an author, speaker, host and producer of an Emmy nominated public television series!